How do I get my 3 year old ASD child to eat right?

Hello Ashley, my name is Gina and my son was diagnosed with Autism this past Summer shortly before turning 5. He is a lovely boy, he does not have any challenging behaviours. His main autism 'trait' is eating plain and bland food and my gut tells me that he has ARFID (avoidance and restricted food intake disorder). I have attended workshops for parents of autistic children. I attended these in  order to 'sense-check' my approach at home and make sure I was doing the right things. So I felt compelled to reply to your message to let you know what I have been told at these workshops, as well as by the community dietician. Do not let them go hungry, this tactic does not work for an autistic child. We have to meet them in their world - we cannot expect them to meet us in our world.

Every baby following the weaning stage goes through what is called a 'neophobic' period, which for autistic children can last much longer. My son's list of safe foods have become less and less overtime. We give him comprehensive daily multivitamin supplements that contain omegas 3, 6 & 9 and iron and he drinks milk and he is growing and developing appropriately. Of course continue to try to introduce new foods or include healthy foods at mealtimes and involve your child in food preparation in the kitchen. But also allow him to eat his safe foods as well.

Always keep mealtimes light hearted and without any pressure. Let him see you as parents eating a variety of foods and as he grows up develop conversation and learning around naming foods and smelling, licking, touching foods. It could be that he has sensory issues with the temperature of foods for eating - my son always lets hot meals go cold. Or he could have interoception which means he does not have the ability to recognise when he is hungry. 

Trust your yourself and your intuition because you know your son best and home is his safe place. So long as you see him growing and developing appropriately and not experiencing lack of energy, at his age you do right to let him eat what he wants to and when he wants to. 

I won't generally make food for other people. In this conversation I'm the autistic person. I don't cook for others unless we pre agree what I'm cooking.

I don't know what happened in your specific case but sometimes a brand changes its recipe or you change an ingredient in something and it becomes completely unpalatable to the autistic person ... and if its a child who feels under presure to eat what they believe will or at least may taste revolting they'll get food adverse and just start rejecting all food of that type. Maybe he does like fish fingers but only a certain brand or prepared a certain way. Take me I 'like' bacon, but only bacon the way I cook it. With every scrap of fat cut off and done until it has an almost leathery consistency. Most people ask me if I like bacon or want some bacon I'll say no. It's too much fuss trying to explain how it needs to be done exactly just so for me to enjoy it.

I will try those suggestions, I notice he likes things when I am eating them like grapes or soup so I end up giving him some of mine. Recently he has seemed to have gone off stuff that he normally loves like fish fingers or home made pizzas. What happens if he refuses the whole meal? Would you make him something else or let them go without until the next meal?

90% of modern cooking is the process of taking chewy / crunchy foods and making them soft / gooy. Have you tried offering him a selection of uncooked fruit and vegetables? Oranges, honeydew melon (firmer texture than water melon), lettuce, carrots, crunchy apples (like granny smiths) and crunchy pairs? Nectarines? It might simply be that most cooked healthy food is too soft / sticky / goopy / slimy for him.

More generally when you offer him new food don't make it the main meal. That makes him fel like you're twisting his arm to get him to eat it. Offer him a micro portion along side something you know he already likes. Resist the urge to offer the same food over and over hoping he'll change his mind. Try to separate food out on the plate so if he decides he doesn't like the one thing he doesn't reject the whole meal. Particularly keep wet and dry foods seperate