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Violence in the car

Lauramumof2

Hello. My son is a strong 11 year old boy and has been diganosed with ADHD ASD and has support for sleep.

He started to really struggle at school in year 5 and now is in year 7 (which I know is hard moving) I know when he's really trying he let's it out at home as most do. Which I'm use too. We managed it as best we can. It worse at the minute because we are currently in a state of uncertainty and a new school.

However he use to have outburst and meltdowns in the car. Injuring me his little sister and acted violent towards me while I'm driving. Hitting punching kicking grabbing me and the steering wheel handbrake. I obviously moved him to the back but then he would hit his sisters or punch or grab me from behind.

It stopped for a while and now has gotten worse again. I only have a small car so no matter where he sits he can gain quite large control of me his sister or the car with a small reach.

I know this is a behaviour because he is struggling. He is struggling at school and let's it out at home. We are currently in a hostel which is very hard as he doesn't have his own space. (Hopefully rectified soon) And it's constant change. But because of our situation I'm constantly going inthe car to take him to school and visit friends and family. Trips etc to get out the house. 

This time it's happened too much for me to control. We have had talks about I understand you feel like you need to release whatever you are feeling. But your family is in the car. There are others on the road. They have families and I don't want to crash or hurt us or anyone else. We won't have a car if it gets damaged. Etc. Talked about why he feels like that and it's always a different set of reasons why. After he has calmed down he is always so apologetic and sad he's done it.

I just don't know what to do. Thankyou for letting me get it out and sorry if it seems manic and doesn't make sense. I am open to all and any advice, support, ideas anything.

Thankyou

Laura

  • We found a portable DVD player helped, music (on their terms), distraction toys and snacks for longer trips.  If he feels sorry afterwards perhaps he might be able to use a simple system to let you know when he starts to feel anxious on the way?  Have you got a supportive professional fighting for good housing?  Hopefully you will score highly for allocation for a home and this will take a lot of stress away for the whole family.  You sound like a very strong person to cope so well with all the difficulties of temporary accommodation as well as all the day to day demands. 

  • Is it possible for some kind of activity to help him release this anxiety and stress before getting into the car? Maybe a jump rope. I have several friends with ADHD who are much older and recognise if they don't get exert an appropriate amount of energy cycling or boxing or running they're blood pressure and overall health struggles immensely. It could be beneficial for his future and not just the car ride, to allow him creative and healthy ways of releasing adrenaline in short bursts.

  • I have experienced these behaviours from my son and while have eased a great deal over the years can still emerge occasionally. 

    From a practical point of view having a mobility vehicle once assessed for PIP can assist in just providing safer vehicle space wise.  But as others talk of in reply addressing the root cause of the outbreak of aggression is key.  Grabbing the wheel and assaults on family members put an unacceptable risk on you all and potentially other road users. 

    We found outbursts were often linked to anxiety and this could be eased by lots of preperation for transition into the vehicle and reinforcing where going through use of pictures or key words.  Also familiar music or even having other distractors like food in the car can assist in making the journey more pleasant for all.  If an outburst hapens you simply have to pull over as practical as you can. 

  • Hi Laura,

    Individuals on the spectrum can often display behaviour that may be challenging. There will generally be a reason for this and it is important to try and understand the trigger for the behaviour when developing strategies. You may like to have a look at the following link for more information on behaviour and strategies:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour

    You may be interested in seeking some professional support regarding the behaviour. You can search for professionals in your area we are aware of on the Autism Services Directory:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/directory

    You might also like to take a look at The Challenging Behaviour Foundation website for further information and advice:

    https://www.challengingbehaviour.org.uk.  They also have an information and support service which you can contact by phone or email – details can be found here: https://www.challengingbehaviour.org.uk/for-family-carers/family-support-service/

    Hope this helps!

    Kind regards,

    Eunice Mod