Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there,
I am a single mum who was recently diagnosed with high functioning autism.
My son, who turned 4 at the weekend, is also showing lots of features of high functioning autism. He recently started pre-prep.
School are great and are supporting him with things like visual cues and timetables so he understands what's happening when and he is actually doing brilliantly at settling in. Between myself and the school, we are sorting paperwork for extra support and assessment for ASD. I am a GP which is proving quite helpful.
Seem to be having a big problem with son being overly affectionate. He has always been very cuddly which hasn't been a problem up until now (he never settled at Montessori when he was 2 so ended up stopping going so this is first time really being around lots of others). However, he is constantly hugging and being tactile with the other children in his class and they really don't like it. He has told his teacher and the class room assistant that he loves them and keeps cuddling them.
I keep trying to explain to him that while he can cuddle his family, other people don't necessarily like it and it can upset them. He doesn't seem to be taking it on board. I have mentioned to the school and on the paperwork that I am worried that him being over tactile with others will cause a problem. My mum picked him up from school today and the teacher had said to her that she will be speaking to me again about my son wanting to hug and touch the other children again as it seems to be upsetting them.
I'm not sure how else I can tackle this. He has a tendency to go around knocking down the other kids' building blocks too, again I have tried explaining and demonstrating for years that this is not kind but he doesn't take it in.
Im getting worried that because of his behaviour that he is going to be ostracized very quickly by the other children. He is a very happy little boy but I worry that he could end up in a situation where he ends up isolating himself because of his actions.
My almost 4 year old son is exactly the same he is large and hugs and kisses all the children and is overly friendly with adults asking to be hugged and carried if he's unhappy. The school have asked if we can address the situation but I am loathed to tell him to stop being tactile. However lately he is pushing and seeking more and more sensory stimulation so licking and squeezing which scares other children his age. I have all the same worries as you. On all his school pictures he's alone..
Find other stims to replace the problematic ones. It’s not okay for him to lick or squeeze other kids, but it’s very possible to divert those same needs into an appropriate way. Squeezing a stress ball when he feels like he wants that tactile experience rather than choosing a peers arm to squeeze out of the need to get that feeling out. Licking or biting or other oral stims can be redirected by giving him something to safely keep in his pocket that he can do that to. There is also jewelry specifically made for those of us who have a need for oral stims. Have you asked him what he likes about licking people? Have you ever say, licked his cheek? He may not yet have the concept down of what it feels like on the other end. He doesn’t need to be punished or have any stim needs taken away they’re very much how we manage sensory processing issues. An understanding of when he feels that need, why that specific need, and redirection to a different stim that meets that need are going to help him greatly in having a chance to relate better to peers. Him being alone at this age doesn’t mean he will always. We get along best with people with the same neurology this is true for you neurotypical folks as well that’s why you struggle to understand the autistic perspective from observation alone.