Adult Son Abusive towards Mum

Yes exactly

Oh I feel for you! My mother had the same (fv*king) superstitions over video games in her judgements of my allowing them to help my son. It makes me angry that others can be so short-sighted and incapable of even the slightest amount of reasoning to not see how they contribute to motor skills, reading, destressing and a source of connexion to others - even if it's small. Just because one is outside with other children does not logically implie connexion. And isolation is the point of entry for suicide, depression and addiction. 

They no more cause 'autistic' behaviours than a vaccine!! It is societies marginalising of anothers differences, their games and desire for power that cause reactions they dislike. 

Heh you reminded me myself several years ago when my mother took my computer because she thought that playing computer games cause my Autistic behaviours and it was actually the total war I took the washing machine out I was smashing light bulbs cutting cables I stolen money bought mobile phone and smashed it she aventually gave up after three months and I got my computer

I will tell you that there will be no change unless he wants it and if he is not responsible enough there is not much you can do howewer maybe you should listein to your brother's needs to enable him to make that decision howewer don't make him manipulate you too much but you need to listein to him Autistic needs can sometimes be aspecially unusual Autistic people are different but for me for example repositioning items inside my room can make me very very angry and I like to sit in total darkness all the time because I don't like light howewer everyone is different I know that for neurotypicals is hard to guess Autistic needs sometimes but you need to listein if he knows that he is not understood his frustration can increase sometimes it's really hard when I ask my mother not to make me suprising tiding and she tells me that it is impossible it's really hard to calm the fury and if he lives on the flat with other people and he doesn't understand neurotypical conventions and other people doesn't understand his lifestyle it can cause tension and this can cause the spirale of aggression they bully him and he bullies them in response because what would he be supposed to do neurotypicals are often smart and even if they are bullying him they can tell that it is he who is aggressive and he being akward in this situation may not be able or not want to explain what's going on Autism impaires social interaction so that neurotypicals can even unconciously and without bad intentions make fun of you and you are completely defenceless and then they can even say that it is all your fault it happened to me many times he may not accept his diagnosis because if people are not accepting him then how would he accept himself and this can lead to such situation that you are punching yourself in head and you say to everyone that you are completely normal because you are so afraid of who you are and because of the abuse you've been through you want to push this thought as far as you can out of your head

Please be understanding

I'm sorry you've had to go through this. If he is Autistic and has ADHD then the weed can potentially help. In the past I've micro-dosed when I had to do my taxes or things requiring high organisation. It helps with clarity because of how if can focus the brain in positive ways. 

That aside, there is ALWAYS an explanation. What he doesn't realise is that neither of you have a degree in psychology, no one in your family - so it seems - has appeared to do the research at the extreme language barriers between Neurotypical individuals and Autistic. The default assumption by both parties is the other one KNOWS. When in fact, neither does. It can take years of study, but some of the fundmental differences can be acheived on your own in a library. Or even online.

I identify with his extreme frustration. It makes me sad. And I'm sure you're confused.

Since it sounds like you do care about your brother, it may be imperative to start finding all the resources you can to investigate how he's lived an incredibly isolated life and felt betrayed and undesired by those who are supposed to be family. Of course you're just as confused and simply need the education.

But it will start with this. He is speaking a different form of English (or any other language you may speak) as if he is from an entirely different culture. His words may even contain a different meaning. He doesn't use telepathy in the sort of clever ways neurotypicals 'speak' to each other without speaking. His whole life he may have felt completely disconnected - as if walking around in a foreign country and never being able to learn the language. This creates invisible walls everywhere. Getting a job, asking for help, expressing something - he can't share what he's feeling properly and most likely doesn't have the tools to identify emotions. It creates an overwhelming feeling of powerlessness, forcing him to always live on the outside. Females can often just go silent. For males, being powerless in this manner is horrifying. It is like a man from early civilisation being teleported to modern society with his tribal language and acute senses in this post-industrial loud frenzy of a place. 

You cant force anyone to help themselves that goes for autistic individuals as well. Your brother has the right to be angry and confused. You don't understand that ultimately the failures in him not getting a diagnosis when it was needed as a child makes being an adult very difficult. Not having the autism diagnosis before the age of nineteen puts you in a very venerable and stressful place because from experience in the England at age nineteen is where most educational oppitinties and training become closed off because of age concerns and it becoming increasingly difficult at twenty five because more oppitinties are no longer available for the same reasons. 

Is their a chance that he also has ADHD because your going to have to deal with complications that having both is going to cause. You can ask your brother to referee himself for post autism support which will help him come to terms with his diagnosis and limitations which isn't easy for anyone to do by themselves. 

You can request a needs assessment on his behalf but if he is unwilling to engage they will follow through with support. 

Violence isn't okay. I cant tell if he is having problems regulating his emotions and they turning into angry out bursts or his threats to destroy the house are in fact threats and tantrums. 

Needs assessment may result in help getting him get priority on the housing register. 

Behaviours like slashing your mother mattress don't typically happen out of the blue its often a response to how you both treat the individual with autism. You use language like he is a danger and that will replay in your brothers mind and break him from the inside out. for me personally my sibling where awful growing up because I was different and i was treated poorly by mother and step dad as a result. my mother never intended to treat me this way but her resentment of being different came through. My mother has a personality disorder and that often leads to her lying and manipulating me which leads to abuse throughout the entire family but she seems to act fine around my other siblings and this mess with my head. you mother may be doing it your brother. just pay a little more attention to your mothers behaviour than your brother you would be surprised because this often happens apparently to my support workers.