Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, we went to the meeting last week with school regaurding my son's difficulties.Tim is in year 10, mainstream Comprehensive. Once again we explained 'how it is' for an autistic child as they think they know but hav'nt got a clue. I was in the meeting for hour and half going over the facts that my son was still struggling there, espescially as its time for him to start revising for tests that are approaching. I was in tears of desperation as i once again explained Tim's situation. I finally seemed to be getting through to his head of year, however the other teacher present, who is supposed to be the head of special needs, was'nt as understanding as usual. She kept stressing that Tim 'seemed' to be coping academically. Bearing in mind his I.Q test came back as 76. I explained his acheivements were due to Tim putting in 110% and burning himself out in the process due to lack of help from them.He has had very little support whatsoever.
By the end of the meeting they decided to allow Tim to integrate back into school slowly, after being home for a week. They gave me a time out card where he can show and go to a quiet place if needed. they promised to sort out his work experience, which has been worrying him yet he was still expected to do, and all round they said they would try and be more understanding of his needs referring him to the school anger management fella and helping him with homework, teaming Tim up with a 'buddy' in lessons, i left feeling exhausted and once again preying i had got through.
To cut a long story short, Tim went in Monday half a day, he went in Tuesday. Tuesday evening his mood became more and more agitated and he said he was'nt going to school. As the evening progressed i began getting less and less eye contact and he became 'mute'. I persevered and calmly spoke to him, asking him what had triggered him to once again feel as he was. He said he was'nt going to school Wednesday, when i asked why? He flipped and punched the wall, he was swearing and screaming how much he hated school and they don't understand him. It's heartbreaking to see him so distressed.
Once he had calmed a little he told me he was expected to stand in front on the class the following morning and read out loude a letter they had written the day before. I was angry to think i had trusted the school ,once again, yet they STILL did'nt understand. I took Tim to school in the car yesterday and waited with him to once again see the head of year and the head of special needs.
Well Tim completely lost controll in the meeting, he punched the desk, was swearing at the teacher, crying uncontrollably, and for the first time he displayed how desperate he was feeling to a teacher. She was shocked as Tim shouted ''he wasnt going back to that school ever because they did'nt listen''. By this time the head of special needs changed her tune. She started rambling all this information about having to get permission to reduce his subjects, she mentioned home tutoring, and to be honest im totally 'lost' as to what is going to happen. Tim is once again at home with me at the moment untill something can be sorted.
Can anyone please help. Where do i go from here? Do you think Tim would be better with home schooling? As at the moment he is truly unhappy. I really don't think he would cope with moving to another school, thats the only reason i hav'nt took that option sooner. Many thanks for listening, any advice extremely appreciated.. Sally..
School DOES NOT WORK for children on the Autistic Spectrum unless you are fortunate to find a REALLY knowledgeable and understanding SEN teacher you will be battling for him until the day he leaves.
At the age of 8 my son was suicidal from the stress of having to conform to what the school thought was necessary and although his behaviour was good there, he was academically challenged and the meltdowns we had to endure at home were horrendous.
That was 9 years ago - we took him out of school and home educated him and we did so using an Autonomous Education method. It does not involve ANY LESSONS and is completely child led meaning the child gets to learn what he wants when he wants in his own time. He is now 17, has no GCSE's but has been admitted to college on a level 2 Art and Design Course which although difficult for him with regard to social relationships, he is managing to cope with and achieve a reasonable grade.
There is also a high proportion of children with Special Needs in the home ed community and so your son would actually spend time with people who were more disposed to be tolerant and understanding.
There are support and social groups all over the country as well as various support forums for Autonomous Education, Single Parent home educators and local activity groups.
If you would like to find out more just PM me and let me know where you are and I can put you in touch with your local group.
Tracey ADI
who now specialises in teaching people with ASD to learn to drive