Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, we went to the meeting last week with school regaurding my son's difficulties.Tim is in year 10, mainstream Comprehensive. Once again we explained 'how it is' for an autistic child as they think they know but hav'nt got a clue. I was in the meeting for hour and half going over the facts that my son was still struggling there, espescially as its time for him to start revising for tests that are approaching. I was in tears of desperation as i once again explained Tim's situation. I finally seemed to be getting through to his head of year, however the other teacher present, who is supposed to be the head of special needs, was'nt as understanding as usual. She kept stressing that Tim 'seemed' to be coping academically. Bearing in mind his I.Q test came back as 76. I explained his acheivements were due to Tim putting in 110% and burning himself out in the process due to lack of help from them.He has had very little support whatsoever.
By the end of the meeting they decided to allow Tim to integrate back into school slowly, after being home for a week. They gave me a time out card where he can show and go to a quiet place if needed. they promised to sort out his work experience, which has been worrying him yet he was still expected to do, and all round they said they would try and be more understanding of his needs referring him to the school anger management fella and helping him with homework, teaming Tim up with a 'buddy' in lessons, i left feeling exhausted and once again preying i had got through.
To cut a long story short, Tim went in Monday half a day, he went in Tuesday. Tuesday evening his mood became more and more agitated and he said he was'nt going to school. As the evening progressed i began getting less and less eye contact and he became 'mute'. I persevered and calmly spoke to him, asking him what had triggered him to once again feel as he was. He said he was'nt going to school Wednesday, when i asked why? He flipped and punched the wall, he was swearing and screaming how much he hated school and they don't understand him. It's heartbreaking to see him so distressed.
Once he had calmed a little he told me he was expected to stand in front on the class the following morning and read out loude a letter they had written the day before. I was angry to think i had trusted the school ,once again, yet they STILL did'nt understand. I took Tim to school in the car yesterday and waited with him to once again see the head of year and the head of special needs.
Well Tim completely lost controll in the meeting, he punched the desk, was swearing at the teacher, crying uncontrollably, and for the first time he displayed how desperate he was feeling to a teacher. She was shocked as Tim shouted ''he wasnt going back to that school ever because they did'nt listen''. By this time the head of special needs changed her tune. She started rambling all this information about having to get permission to reduce his subjects, she mentioned home tutoring, and to be honest im totally 'lost' as to what is going to happen. Tim is once again at home with me at the moment untill something can be sorted.
Can anyone please help. Where do i go from here? Do you think Tim would be better with home schooling? As at the moment he is truly unhappy. I really don't think he would cope with moving to another school, thats the only reason i hav'nt took that option sooner. Many thanks for listening, any advice extremely appreciated.. Sally..
Hi
I'm new to the community so I hope I'm posting this in the right place? apologies if it's not. Basically my 10yr old daughter has been diagnosed with Asperger's and despite knowing that she was an aspie since she was very little myself and my ex (her dad) are struggling to deal with the issue of her hiding toys. I know that may not sound like an 'issue' but let me explain...
My daughter has 3 younger siblings, 1 is my younger daughter and the other 2 are her dad's children with his partner that he has now. For a number of years i have struggled to get my child to share, toys in particular, but eventually I thought I had a system that worked, or at least worked to a point where no one had a breakdown, myself included! I had sat down with my daughter after another meltdown over sharing and talked to her about using a timer to help each of us 'share', for example, if she was playing with a toy and her sister wanted it, then I would set the timer for an agreed time (maybe 5/10 minutes depending on the toy) once the timer went off then her sister would hand over the toy to her and the timer would be set again for an equal amount of time. Therefore allowing both girls a chance to play with the chosen toy, my daughter understood this and co-operated on almost all occasions.
In the event that she didn't wait for the timer to go off, and where she would snatch the toy away, I would remove the toy altogether and explain that she couldn't have it because she wasn't sharing like we had talked about. All of which was part of our original talk, and it would be mentioned every time I needed to use the timer. So I would clearly explain what was expected in each case. Again she understood, and so did my youngest.
However, she has been living with her dad, his partner and their two children aged 3yrs and the other little one is 5 months, since last year. This came about for numerous reasons one of which was because I was struggling with my own health and didn't feel well enough to look after her, I needed a break! unfortunately it has descended into a nightmare for everyone. My daughter is having more meltdowns, thrashing her room, punching walls, punching herself! lashing out at everyone and everything and has taken to hiding her 3yr old sisters toys (some of which she has broken) this has caused her step-mother to explode at her on many occasions and just this weekend packed her bags and left taking her two children with her.
I have tried explaining about the timer technique, but don't think they see any merit in it, and basically her dad said that this behavior is just her being spiteful, that it has nothing to do with Aspergers. They have also noticed other things have gone missing in the house and despite my daughter's denial at taking them (maybe she did? maybe she didn't? I really don't know) they have now turned around and said to her that anytime something goes missing she will be the first one they'll ask.
So now she's anxious about being blamed for everything, and doesn't feel like she is being listened to. When I asked her about the issue over taking the toys she admitted that she took them and said she did it because everytime she attempts to play with one, her sister (who is only 3) snatches the toy away, and step-mum tells my daughter to just leave her to play with it. This frustrates my daughter, to the point where it builds up and up and then she explodes! over what seems like nothing to them but is obviously a major issue for her in her head. I hope no one thinks I'm being silly in asking for advice over this, even though it sounds like a small thing, it's turned into a major issue. I just don't know how else to deal with it?
Step-mum has since returned but on a 'lets see how it goes basis' again i feel that this is putting my daughter under pressure to 'behave' or else! Step-mum also said that she would throw out my daughters ipod after she smashes it on the floor, she made a show of doing this in front of my daughter (as punishment for hiding the toys), but then decided not to throw it away (however both step-mum and her dad allowed my child to believe it had been destroyed) this completely messed with her head, and she was upset over the prospect of not having it so she could text me/facetime me. I feel like the issue has been blown all out of proportion, or am I getting that wrong? I want to help my child but don't know how? and the issue is only getting worse the longer it's left, help!
any advice would be great, just another perspective on it would be great also, thanks in advance