Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, we went to the meeting last week with school regaurding my son's difficulties.Tim is in year 10, mainstream Comprehensive. Once again we explained 'how it is' for an autistic child as they think they know but hav'nt got a clue. I was in the meeting for hour and half going over the facts that my son was still struggling there, espescially as its time for him to start revising for tests that are approaching. I was in tears of desperation as i once again explained Tim's situation. I finally seemed to be getting through to his head of year, however the other teacher present, who is supposed to be the head of special needs, was'nt as understanding as usual. She kept stressing that Tim 'seemed' to be coping academically. Bearing in mind his I.Q test came back as 76. I explained his acheivements were due to Tim putting in 110% and burning himself out in the process due to lack of help from them.He has had very little support whatsoever.
By the end of the meeting they decided to allow Tim to integrate back into school slowly, after being home for a week. They gave me a time out card where he can show and go to a quiet place if needed. they promised to sort out his work experience, which has been worrying him yet he was still expected to do, and all round they said they would try and be more understanding of his needs referring him to the school anger management fella and helping him with homework, teaming Tim up with a 'buddy' in lessons, i left feeling exhausted and once again preying i had got through.
To cut a long story short, Tim went in Monday half a day, he went in Tuesday. Tuesday evening his mood became more and more agitated and he said he was'nt going to school. As the evening progressed i began getting less and less eye contact and he became 'mute'. I persevered and calmly spoke to him, asking him what had triggered him to once again feel as he was. He said he was'nt going to school Wednesday, when i asked why? He flipped and punched the wall, he was swearing and screaming how much he hated school and they don't understand him. It's heartbreaking to see him so distressed.
Once he had calmed a little he told me he was expected to stand in front on the class the following morning and read out loude a letter they had written the day before. I was angry to think i had trusted the school ,once again, yet they STILL did'nt understand. I took Tim to school in the car yesterday and waited with him to once again see the head of year and the head of special needs.
Well Tim completely lost controll in the meeting, he punched the desk, was swearing at the teacher, crying uncontrollably, and for the first time he displayed how desperate he was feeling to a teacher. She was shocked as Tim shouted ''he wasnt going back to that school ever because they did'nt listen''. By this time the head of special needs changed her tune. She started rambling all this information about having to get permission to reduce his subjects, she mentioned home tutoring, and to be honest im totally 'lost' as to what is going to happen. Tim is once again at home with me at the moment untill something can be sorted.
Can anyone please help. Where do i go from here? Do you think Tim would be better with home schooling? As at the moment he is truly unhappy. I really don't think he would cope with moving to another school, thats the only reason i hav'nt took that option sooner. Many thanks for listening, any advice extremely appreciated.. Sally..
Personally I would photocopy the letter from the psychiatrist with the diagnosis and take it in to school and give one copy to the Head and one to the Special Needs teacher who sounds like an idiot. I'm sure it's already in Tim's records, but sometimes these things get buried. The school has an obligation to provide appropriate care - is it time to go and see the Governors?
The reason Tim isn't 'behaving like he's autistic' in class is because he's learned a lot of skills and is working very hard to use them to appear NT.
Is there a local NAS parents or family group in your area that you can go to and get some solidarity? Plus, local parents will have lots of suggestions on what has worked for them in your area - I know provision differs across the country. And perhaps Tim can meet some other youngsters who are autistic so he doesn't feel alone.
Also, if Tim is profoundly distressed, would counselling help him to deal with his anxiety and process his thoughts? You said he was diagnosed by a psychiatrist - so was my daughter and when the doctor gave his diagnosis he signed her off but explained 'if your daughter has mental health issues then you can bring her back'. I'm thinking about how to address the acute problems Tim is having right now - a psychiatrist or counsellor would be able to explain to him that he's not alone and give him chance to vent.
Are there any other services in your area? What about your local education authority or council? Do the council have an Autism officer or is there a special needs inclusion team in the LEA? Talk to them and see if they can offer any help - you might find that Tim is entitled to some 1:1 time and that could help him.
Are there any other agencies you can call in? Educational psychology, occupational therapy? I'm in Wales and when I refused to sign off on what I thought was a lazy and slapdash IEP, I demanded that my daughter be assessed by the Ed Psych and the school had to get my kiddo assessed. (She's been diagnosed with Aspergers and has been on the SEN register for 2 years but had never seen the Ed Psych because she's no trouble.)
Because of the social aspects and the fact that Tim has probably made some friends in school, and also because out in the big world where our kids are going to have to go and earn a living eventually, I think it's best if we can keep our kids stay in school if at all possible to learn the life skills they are going to need. (IMHO - your mileage may vary etc.) Plus, if you educate the school, you make it easier for the next kid.