Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, we went to the meeting last week with school regaurding my son's difficulties.Tim is in year 10, mainstream Comprehensive. Once again we explained 'how it is' for an autistic child as they think they know but hav'nt got a clue. I was in the meeting for hour and half going over the facts that my son was still struggling there, espescially as its time for him to start revising for tests that are approaching. I was in tears of desperation as i once again explained Tim's situation. I finally seemed to be getting through to his head of year, however the other teacher present, who is supposed to be the head of special needs, was'nt as understanding as usual. She kept stressing that Tim 'seemed' to be coping academically. Bearing in mind his I.Q test came back as 76. I explained his acheivements were due to Tim putting in 110% and burning himself out in the process due to lack of help from them.He has had very little support whatsoever.
By the end of the meeting they decided to allow Tim to integrate back into school slowly, after being home for a week. They gave me a time out card where he can show and go to a quiet place if needed. they promised to sort out his work experience, which has been worrying him yet he was still expected to do, and all round they said they would try and be more understanding of his needs referring him to the school anger management fella and helping him with homework, teaming Tim up with a 'buddy' in lessons, i left feeling exhausted and once again preying i had got through.
To cut a long story short, Tim went in Monday half a day, he went in Tuesday. Tuesday evening his mood became more and more agitated and he said he was'nt going to school. As the evening progressed i began getting less and less eye contact and he became 'mute'. I persevered and calmly spoke to him, asking him what had triggered him to once again feel as he was. He said he was'nt going to school Wednesday, when i asked why? He flipped and punched the wall, he was swearing and screaming how much he hated school and they don't understand him. It's heartbreaking to see him so distressed.
Once he had calmed a little he told me he was expected to stand in front on the class the following morning and read out loude a letter they had written the day before. I was angry to think i had trusted the school ,once again, yet they STILL did'nt understand. I took Tim to school in the car yesterday and waited with him to once again see the head of year and the head of special needs.
Well Tim completely lost controll in the meeting, he punched the desk, was swearing at the teacher, crying uncontrollably, and for the first time he displayed how desperate he was feeling to a teacher. She was shocked as Tim shouted ''he wasnt going back to that school ever because they did'nt listen''. By this time the head of special needs changed her tune. She started rambling all this information about having to get permission to reduce his subjects, she mentioned home tutoring, and to be honest im totally 'lost' as to what is going to happen. Tim is once again at home with me at the moment untill something can be sorted.
Can anyone please help. Where do i go from here? Do you think Tim would be better with home schooling? As at the moment he is truly unhappy. I really don't think he would cope with moving to another school, thats the only reason i hav'nt took that option sooner. Many thanks for listening, any advice extremely appreciated.. Sally..
Hi Sally,
sorry about the tough time you and your son are having. Sounds as though you are doing all the right thinngs for him, well done you on going back to the school with regards the talk to the class. You are standing up for your son brilliantly.
It does make you wonder if the school really listen at all, i have had a few talks like that. Lots of nods of understanding and lists of what they will do, you come out feeling positive only to be let down a while later.
My son went into school (reluctantly) very stressed today as he had to talk about his favourite book in front of the class for world book day. i was told by the school they felt it good to push the boundaries every once in a while, i guess that is what they are doing today, that is assuming they have even remembered my son has Aspergers as they have had three different teachers in the last three months !
I often wonder what i would do if my sons anxiety got worse due to school and i always conclude with i would home school him. I accept it is really important to try mainstream schooling first to aid social skills, but i think too much stress would do more harm than good forcing them to school. Talk to your son, if he can assure you he would do the work at home and possibly sign him up for club of some sort for the social interaction. I can imagine the relief for your son would be immense.
I have read comments on successfully home schooling Aspies on this site and also comments from Aspies who had a hard time at school and on leaving admitting they wished they had been home schooled. It is not for everyone and may not always be easy but i think here it sounds to me like your best option, talk to your son.
take care