Published on 12, July, 2020
I appreciate I am posting under the 'Parents and carers' category. I am neither, however, I am married to an aspie and I just need some help.
I would be very grateful if someone could point me in the direction of all the other frazzled husbands/wives?
I've been married a year and a half, we moved in together when we got married (not due to tradition, but due to commitments that prevented our co-habiting sooner).
A couple of WEEKS after moving in I asked myself: 'who is this selfish, uncaring, unsympathetic, I'm-always-right, rude, arrogant man, and where the HELL is my husband??'
A confusing, emotional and unbearable year passed (no, there was no 'honeymoon period' for us), and we finally have the answer (I'll give you a hint, it starts with 'A' and rhymes with blasperger's)
Since then I've read books and really brushed up on my knowledge of the big 'A'. I'm still mourning the life I expected to live when I got married. It's very, very sad. I now have a completely different view of the man I married and it breaks my heart. He's someone else entirely now. But things are getting better. The last 6 months have been amazing. It's so hard trying to forget everything I know about communication and starting again, and even harder to view things from his perspective, but I'm getting there.
Tonight, however, is a turning point. I need help. It's the first night I'm not sleeping in the same bed as him. Because of his sensory issues, I've not been able to read a book or peruse my laptop before bed in all the time we've been married. He point blank refuses to wear an eye-mask and ear-buds because they irritate him too much. I haven't slept well recently so now I have to sleep in a different room until I sort it out.
Ugh, please I just need help to cope with this. I'm 25 and sleeping in a single bed. This isn't RIGHT!!!
Hi, I am really glad this thread is still going. For the past few months me and my husband of 20 years have just been coming to understand that he has AS. He has had so much 'help' in the past from psychiatric services and no one picked up on it. We were recently going for help for our son, who is 17 and suffering from all sorts of anxieties when the counsellor asked my husband if he was diagnosed with AS? We were very shocked at the suggestion but over the next few weeks and reading lots of things it became very glaringly and blindingly obvious. You can probably guess that we now also think my son has it as he has many of the same traits and has always had lots of difficulties. However he was at first able to accept that maybe this was the case but he no longer wants to talk about it.
I have also been getting assessed for AS as I have always struggled in different areas of life particularly maintaining friendships. The clinic have said so far that they dont think I have AS but feel the way I am is related to my childhood. I have a dad diagnosed with AS at 70 and now understanding about this it explains my mum to me too. I felt very uncared for and unloved as a child. Both my parents used me to meet their needs and could not understand me having any of my own. From this I have had to have lots of treatment from Psychology services to just keep going. The clinic thinks I may have AS traits from being brought up in this household.
Whatever is the cause for me if I had known about my parents and if others had I would not have blamed myself so much and felt there was something wrong with me. However i also wonder if because I am articulate and have worked out how to appear to get on with people, as well as holding down a good job, then maybe my diagnosis is being missed.
I relate a lot though to how difficult it is to live with someone with melt downs and no ability to filter his thoughts. I now have children ages 17 and 15 and have always felt like a single parent and this has caused so many issues for us amongst other things.
However I have had to ask why I have stayed so long with all the problems and dont know if it is because it is familiar to me to be around someone like my husband. Maybe it is because I too have some traits and so in some other ways I am more comfortable with him in many ways than with other people without AS.
I have been very depressed about it all and one minute want to leave and another minute think I can do this.
Sorry this was so long. First time ever on a forum and first time on social networking type thing. I just want to talk to others to share experiences.