Published on 12, July, 2020
I appreciate I am posting under the 'Parents and carers' category. I am neither, however, I am married to an aspie and I just need some help.
I would be very grateful if someone could point me in the direction of all the other frazzled husbands/wives?
I've been married a year and a half, we moved in together when we got married (not due to tradition, but due to commitments that prevented our co-habiting sooner).
A couple of WEEKS after moving in I asked myself: 'who is this selfish, uncaring, unsympathetic, I'm-always-right, rude, arrogant man, and where the HELL is my husband??'
A confusing, emotional and unbearable year passed (no, there was no 'honeymoon period' for us), and we finally have the answer (I'll give you a hint, it starts with 'A' and rhymes with blasperger's)
Since then I've read books and really brushed up on my knowledge of the big 'A'. I'm still mourning the life I expected to live when I got married. It's very, very sad. I now have a completely different view of the man I married and it breaks my heart. He's someone else entirely now. But things are getting better. The last 6 months have been amazing. It's so hard trying to forget everything I know about communication and starting again, and even harder to view things from his perspective, but I'm getting there.
Tonight, however, is a turning point. I need help. It's the first night I'm not sleeping in the same bed as him. Because of his sensory issues, I've not been able to read a book or peruse my laptop before bed in all the time we've been married. He point blank refuses to wear an eye-mask and ear-buds because they irritate him too much. I haven't slept well recently so now I have to sleep in a different room until I sort it out.
Ugh, please I just need help to cope with this. I'm 25 and sleeping in a single bed. This isn't RIGHT!!!
Supercheese - are you still reading?
Its been said that you live next to an autistic person not with them. Intimacy means different things to us. But I'm glad your relationship is getting better.
You say that not being able to read a book or use your laptop in bed is a real problem for you. Could you do that in another room before going to bed to rest and sleep? Or have a certain number of nights per week where you sleep separately so you can read in bed. I know this may not fit with the married life you expected to lead but sleeping apart for practical reasons doesn't mean your husband cares for you any less.
I've always marvelled at people in sitcoms who can sleep next to their spouses reading books, watching the tv and having phone calls. I need the bedroom to be a quiet place, partly because sleep is a way to recover from the exhausting stresses of the day and I don't want them in the bedroom in the form of lights and laptops!