Published on 12, July, 2020
I appreciate I am posting under the 'Parents and carers' category. I am neither, however, I am married to an aspie and I just need some help.
I would be very grateful if someone could point me in the direction of all the other frazzled husbands/wives?
I've been married a year and a half, we moved in together when we got married (not due to tradition, but due to commitments that prevented our co-habiting sooner).
A couple of WEEKS after moving in I asked myself: 'who is this selfish, uncaring, unsympathetic, I'm-always-right, rude, arrogant man, and where the HELL is my husband??'
A confusing, emotional and unbearable year passed (no, there was no 'honeymoon period' for us), and we finally have the answer (I'll give you a hint, it starts with 'A' and rhymes with blasperger's)
Since then I've read books and really brushed up on my knowledge of the big 'A'. I'm still mourning the life I expected to live when I got married. It's very, very sad. I now have a completely different view of the man I married and it breaks my heart. He's someone else entirely now. But things are getting better. The last 6 months have been amazing. It's so hard trying to forget everything I know about communication and starting again, and even harder to view things from his perspective, but I'm getting there.
Tonight, however, is a turning point. I need help. It's the first night I'm not sleeping in the same bed as him. Because of his sensory issues, I've not been able to read a book or peruse my laptop before bed in all the time we've been married. He point blank refuses to wear an eye-mask and ear-buds because they irritate him too much. I haven't slept well recently so now I have to sleep in a different room until I sort it out.
Ugh, please I just need help to cope with this. I'm 25 and sleeping in a single bed. This isn't RIGHT!!!
Hi Rosemary,
Really pleased for you your weekend was great and it does seem your husband has taken things on board with the councilling, fantastic. How many more sessions? i would book a s many as possible, keep him going. He may well fall back to his old self now and again but the fact that he can change is great! Shows he can do it and does understand
We had a lovely weekend too, no stress ! No mothers day treats either, but i have almost come to accept that, (hence i bought myself a little treat) bit concerned my husbands apathy will rub off on our son which is not so great. Teaching him not to care for others feelings, but still it was a lovely relaxing no stress weekend gardening (our saving grace a huge garden, we all love it)! So we all dug the veggie patch, chopped wood and played football ! no arguements, bliss!
My husband hates all the commercial side of valentines ,Mothers day etc, says the days were invented to get more money out of us, i do see his point, but a little something would be nice, still thats not the end of the world.
No one else to talk to hubby about the martial arts class, he quite often almost sees he could be making things worse, but then goes and does it again! Unfortunatly there really is no one else to talk to hubby about it (even if he would listen), My husbands and my family all live hundreds of miles away, and not exaggerating when i say no friends, sad case that i am ! I tend to be really honest and open and have not yet and not sure i should tell people about our sons Autism, it is a really small gossipy community.
Really nice to chat to you Rosemary.
Take care,
Puffin x