Published on 12, July, 2020
I appreciate I am posting under the 'Parents and carers' category. I am neither, however, I am married to an aspie and I just need some help.
I would be very grateful if someone could point me in the direction of all the other frazzled husbands/wives?
I've been married a year and a half, we moved in together when we got married (not due to tradition, but due to commitments that prevented our co-habiting sooner).
A couple of WEEKS after moving in I asked myself: 'who is this selfish, uncaring, unsympathetic, I'm-always-right, rude, arrogant man, and where the HELL is my husband??'
A confusing, emotional and unbearable year passed (no, there was no 'honeymoon period' for us), and we finally have the answer (I'll give you a hint, it starts with 'A' and rhymes with blasperger's)
Since then I've read books and really brushed up on my knowledge of the big 'A'. I'm still mourning the life I expected to live when I got married. It's very, very sad. I now have a completely different view of the man I married and it breaks my heart. He's someone else entirely now. But things are getting better. The last 6 months have been amazing. It's so hard trying to forget everything I know about communication and starting again, and even harder to view things from his perspective, but I'm getting there.
Tonight, however, is a turning point. I need help. It's the first night I'm not sleeping in the same bed as him. Because of his sensory issues, I've not been able to read a book or peruse my laptop before bed in all the time we've been married. He point blank refuses to wear an eye-mask and ear-buds because they irritate him too much. I haven't slept well recently so now I have to sleep in a different room until I sort it out.
Ugh, please I just need help to cope with this. I'm 25 and sleeping in a single bed. This isn't RIGHT!!!
Puffin - A resounding YES! I was coping really well with all the little things that I just thought were his quirky personality until our child came along.
I think men generally have this tendency to be fair weather friends [sorry guys!], but this was massively the case with my partner. He seemed to be unable to make the change from partner to parent. It was very painful.
I've just had an amazing weekend though, following the last counselling session. There seems to have been a seachange - goodness! Its not like being with the same man. Am quite stunned to be perfectly honest and wondering/hoping if he can maintain it???
How has your weekend been? I feel for you with your little boy's defence classes - what is it with these men that they don't listen to us and then sit up and take notice when an outside influence speaks to them??? Its quite annoying! Could you get someone to intervene on your behalf?
Love rosemary xx