Published on 12, July, 2020
I appreciate I am posting under the 'Parents and carers' category. I am neither, however, I am married to an aspie and I just need some help.
I would be very grateful if someone could point me in the direction of all the other frazzled husbands/wives?
I've been married a year and a half, we moved in together when we got married (not due to tradition, but due to commitments that prevented our co-habiting sooner).
A couple of WEEKS after moving in I asked myself: 'who is this selfish, uncaring, unsympathetic, I'm-always-right, rude, arrogant man, and where the HELL is my husband??'
A confusing, emotional and unbearable year passed (no, there was no 'honeymoon period' for us), and we finally have the answer (I'll give you a hint, it starts with 'A' and rhymes with blasperger's)
Since then I've read books and really brushed up on my knowledge of the big 'A'. I'm still mourning the life I expected to live when I got married. It's very, very sad. I now have a completely different view of the man I married and it breaks my heart. He's someone else entirely now. But things are getting better. The last 6 months have been amazing. It's so hard trying to forget everything I know about communication and starting again, and even harder to view things from his perspective, but I'm getting there.
Tonight, however, is a turning point. I need help. It's the first night I'm not sleeping in the same bed as him. Because of his sensory issues, I've not been able to read a book or peruse my laptop before bed in all the time we've been married. He point blank refuses to wear an eye-mask and ear-buds because they irritate him too much. I haven't slept well recently so now I have to sleep in a different room until I sort it out.
Ugh, please I just need help to cope with this. I'm 25 and sleeping in a single bed. This isn't RIGHT!!!
Hi again Rosemary,
Thanks for the response, yes we both seem to be in very similar situation. My son adores his Dad most of the time although there relationship is very different to mine and my sons. I do not think our Aspie husbands can read the signs as well, my husband often does not know when to back off with my son and i find myself intervening alot! My son is also affectionate with me but not as much with Dad.
If we did not have our son i may have more seriously considered leaving ( thought about it daily instead of every other day) ! but, i worry what damage this could do to our son, so i am hanging in there also. Also i think i have been with my husband for sooo long i have really lost my confidence and it would take a momentous effort to leave, not sure i have that in me. We also now live very far away from all family and have made no new friends here so i am quite alone and boy do i feel it
It is Martial arts class again tonight Dad has insisted he starts to go twice a week ! i can see our son saying he has had enough of it before the year is out, i really hope i am wrong though as it has helped his confidence, the instructer is brilliant.
i know it is an awful thing to say but do you find things have got worse since having your little boy? i think they have with us, less time for my husband , constant disagreeing over how to raise our son. i think because my husband is stressed alot more worrying about our son , (he cannot help himself) as he does love him very much this has worsened my husbands traits.
i seem to have hijacked Supercheese's thread , sorry! The only way i could carry on this little chat Rosemary.
Have a good weekend, i have the bottle of wine at the ready and have done what all good Aspie wives should do, bought myself a mothers day present!
Puffin xx