Published on 12, July, 2020
I appreciate I am posting under the 'Parents and carers' category. I am neither, however, I am married to an aspie and I just need some help.
I would be very grateful if someone could point me in the direction of all the other frazzled husbands/wives?
I've been married a year and a half, we moved in together when we got married (not due to tradition, but due to commitments that prevented our co-habiting sooner).
A couple of WEEKS after moving in I asked myself: 'who is this selfish, uncaring, unsympathetic, I'm-always-right, rude, arrogant man, and where the HELL is my husband??'
A confusing, emotional and unbearable year passed (no, there was no 'honeymoon period' for us), and we finally have the answer (I'll give you a hint, it starts with 'A' and rhymes with blasperger's)
Since then I've read books and really brushed up on my knowledge of the big 'A'. I'm still mourning the life I expected to live when I got married. It's very, very sad. I now have a completely different view of the man I married and it breaks my heart. He's someone else entirely now. But things are getting better. The last 6 months have been amazing. It's so hard trying to forget everything I know about communication and starting again, and even harder to view things from his perspective, but I'm getting there.
Tonight, however, is a turning point. I need help. It's the first night I'm not sleeping in the same bed as him. Because of his sensory issues, I've not been able to read a book or peruse my laptop before bed in all the time we've been married. He point blank refuses to wear an eye-mask and ear-buds because they irritate him too much. I haven't slept well recently so now I have to sleep in a different room until I sort it out.
Ugh, please I just need help to cope with this. I'm 25 and sleeping in a single bed. This isn't RIGHT!!!
Hi Puffin,
Yes, I understand where you are coming from. My partner also does things unintentionally, that exacerbate our son's condition. For example, he gave him a [thankfully short-lived] obsession about 8-o-clock, because that was the only way he could get him to bed on time.
He gets far worse behaviour from our little boy than I do. He isn't as mentally agile as I am and he is kind of deadpan in the way he gives instructs., which doesn't go down very well. Its quite wearing as I often have to go to the rescue. He won't use the visual aids like traffic lights either. I only have to threaten that I will go and get them to get compliance - that is how effective they are.
On the other hand, there is a close bond between them - my little naughty-autie [I think he might be quite naughty even if he wasn't challenging because of the AS] loves his Dad and this is the main reason why I am reluctant to throw in the towel with him.
Our son is just 5.
Love Rosemary xx