Published on 12, July, 2020
I appreciate I am posting under the 'Parents and carers' category. I am neither, however, I am married to an aspie and I just need some help.
I would be very grateful if someone could point me in the direction of all the other frazzled husbands/wives?
I've been married a year and a half, we moved in together when we got married (not due to tradition, but due to commitments that prevented our co-habiting sooner).
A couple of WEEKS after moving in I asked myself: 'who is this selfish, uncaring, unsympathetic, I'm-always-right, rude, arrogant man, and where the HELL is my husband??'
A confusing, emotional and unbearable year passed (no, there was no 'honeymoon period' for us), and we finally have the answer (I'll give you a hint, it starts with 'A' and rhymes with blasperger's)
Since then I've read books and really brushed up on my knowledge of the big 'A'. I'm still mourning the life I expected to live when I got married. It's very, very sad. I now have a completely different view of the man I married and it breaks my heart. He's someone else entirely now. But things are getting better. The last 6 months have been amazing. It's so hard trying to forget everything I know about communication and starting again, and even harder to view things from his perspective, but I'm getting there.
Tonight, however, is a turning point. I need help. It's the first night I'm not sleeping in the same bed as him. Because of his sensory issues, I've not been able to read a book or peruse my laptop before bed in all the time we've been married. He point blank refuses to wear an eye-mask and ear-buds because they irritate him too much. I haven't slept well recently so now I have to sleep in a different room until I sort it out.
Ugh, please I just need help to cope with this. I'm 25 and sleeping in a single bed. This isn't RIGHT!!!
pleased your councilling went well Rosemary , you did well just to get him there , it is something my husband would never do i have asked him and he refuses point blank. The flowers were a lovely touch, he clearly took something on board.
I have given up now with birthdays ,valentines etc. The worse thing sometimes is just always being wrong?! Last night we had a little arguement over my sons martial arts class, again! my son is a real perfectionist (which i am trying to tone down as it can cause upset) and he is brilliant at *** Sool and he is only six, but during the classes my husband and i go to watch as our son asks us to for a bit of a confidence boost. My husband keeps commenting , Things like He is not paying attention, or he could do that better, only to me thankfully, but my husbands want for our son to be perfect at *** Sool is wreckinng it for my son! We both seem to want different things out of the class, i am happy when my son looks happy and talks to another child and gets that i have acheived somethinng feeling! My husband wants more and will not stop pushing, i almost got up and walked out last night in the class as the comments were non stop in my ear, the stress and frustration is enormous and there is no point in discussing it, i have tried and of course i am wrong! My husband also says things , hurtful things sometimes and then denies it but i also have a good memory.
There are good times as you know, how old is your son again Rosemary? Does he get on well with Dad? My two conflict sometimes now as they both have quite strong opinions and they cannot both be right?! My son also takes my side quite a bit, which can be difficult.
take care