Published on 12, July, 2020
I appreciate I am posting under the 'Parents and carers' category. I am neither, however, I am married to an aspie and I just need some help.
I would be very grateful if someone could point me in the direction of all the other frazzled husbands/wives?
I've been married a year and a half, we moved in together when we got married (not due to tradition, but due to commitments that prevented our co-habiting sooner).
A couple of WEEKS after moving in I asked myself: 'who is this selfish, uncaring, unsympathetic, I'm-always-right, rude, arrogant man, and where the HELL is my husband??'
A confusing, emotional and unbearable year passed (no, there was no 'honeymoon period' for us), and we finally have the answer (I'll give you a hint, it starts with 'A' and rhymes with blasperger's)
Since then I've read books and really brushed up on my knowledge of the big 'A'. I'm still mourning the life I expected to live when I got married. It's very, very sad. I now have a completely different view of the man I married and it breaks my heart. He's someone else entirely now. But things are getting better. The last 6 months have been amazing. It's so hard trying to forget everything I know about communication and starting again, and even harder to view things from his perspective, but I'm getting there.
Tonight, however, is a turning point. I need help. It's the first night I'm not sleeping in the same bed as him. Because of his sensory issues, I've not been able to read a book or peruse my laptop before bed in all the time we've been married. He point blank refuses to wear an eye-mask and ear-buds because they irritate him too much. I haven't slept well recently so now I have to sleep in a different room until I sort it out.
Ugh, please I just need help to cope with this. I'm 25 and sleeping in a single bed. This isn't RIGHT!!!
Supercheese - are you still out there?? And are you still reading?
We have had our 2nd session of counselling today and I have come away with some hope. Last week was very difficult. The counsellor concentrated on my partner [I'd seen her a few wks previously and filled her in], but the stuff he came out with in that 1st session together was completely bizarre. I was left feeling "is it the aspergers making him not understand, or is he purposely trying to derail the session?" Either way, there was a couple of times when I could have leapt up and physically assaulted him [!!!], I was so enraged by what came out of his mouth.
And then later, at home, when I tackled him, he denied saying it!!! OMG I had to quote the exact words that had been said, which fortunately I am very good at.
So today I felt I had to take a more pro-active approach and I did! Result is that the counsellor at least [!] understands the real issues. We'll see if my partner does, but when I got home from work, there was a pretty little bouquet of flowers waiting for me. Wow! He's never EVER bought me flowers from a florist before, so that in itself is rather nice.
Anyway, I do recommend counselling - if it fails in sorting out the 2 main problems in our relationship [which I cannot tolerate any more], at least I feel I have tried and OMG!!! the relief of being able to vent my spleen in safety, without my partner not turning nasty. He couldn't very well in front of the counsellor.
We will see with interest what happens next....
Love Rosemary xxx