Published on 12, July, 2020
How do you keep a 14 y.o in school. She is now just constantly climbing over the school gate and leaving. She used to do this when she was upset or overwhelmed but now she's doing it when she's happy, bored or just wants to go somewhere.
For example, today she left, and wanted to go to the shop which was only down the road. Luckily the gate is in front of the head teacher's office, so she followed her and instead they went for a walk round the block and had a chat. She then did it an hour later, wanting to go to the shop again, but another teacher followed her and told her that they can do something else instead of the lesson, so now the teacher is getting her word searches ready for when she's not wanting to do lesson.
My problem is that she's in school's hands when I'm not there and when I'm working so how can they keep her safe. They have someone with her all the time and sometimes she doesn't like being followed so can become agitated and aggressive. What do I/we do when she does leave because its a big safety issue?
Since, she is wanting to go to the shop, I have found out why she says that. It's because, when she's bored, she will usually eat since she has noting else to do. (She won't eat anything the school offers except at break time). Anyways, my biggest worry is that no one sees her leave, but I know they'll find out quickly, and also the dangers like traffic (near a round-a-bout and a busy main road) and I don't want anything bad happening to her...
What can I do.. I can't work without thinking about her....
Please let me know if this is helpful I'm not sure if it will be for your particular situation with regard to this problem in this post.
When I was younger I had a hard time understanding WHY I wasn't allowed to do things because the authority figures in my life didn't explain to me the actual reason why I couldn't do something and I always NEEDED a reason or I would just not obey certain things they would just say something like "because I said so" and that really aggravates me still today when I don't understand things that NT's do as I've gotten older and just learnt things over time I can adapt better now.
I also had an issue actually recognising who were authority figures (and still do a bit now I have to kick myself I would get into arguments with my teachers for example at school as a result).
So maybe just as a suggestion explain to her and give a proper reason as to why she can't just wonder off you could say " ...insert her name... you can't do that what if you get lost and we need to find you, and make sure you're safe" or "You need to tell someone where you are going so we can make sure you safe because anything can happen we need to make sure you're safe etc". You can obviously word it however you want for whatever situation happens.
Again I don't know if that might a be good solution you know your daughter better than anyone and how she thinks she might understand better if she gets an explanation. If not just ignore me haha
O
Thanks O, this may help. She used to be running off all the time last year, especially when upset, and mainly in summer and always came into contact with emergency services, which made issues worse. Anyways, since she isn't allowed to be alone much, if there is a teacher with her and she goes up to the gate, they will ask her "........Where are you going?" and she'll just reply with "home", or "I'm bored" or now "to the shop". I've found out that she doesn't want to come home but just wants to wander somewhere and she doesn't like shops. Teacher's tell her that they need to keep her safe and ask her what's wrong and make sure she's alright, because she doesn't know that she is about to have a full blown meltdown or something. Luckily the school know the very first warning signs, the very little ones I even miss.
Overall, I will inform her teacher's about this or even a visual 'STOP' sign on the gate or on the door for her since she understands them a lot better.
Thanks, O. This is definitely helpful.