Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I'm not sure where I'm going with this but l would like people opinions. Please be kind.
My daughter has just turned 6. Since l can remember we have always had issues getting her to sleep, she struggles to relax and switch off and becomes quite restless and agitated. As a result she sees bedtime as a negative thing. She is reluctant to sleep alone and wakes every night at least 3 times. On occasions she refuses to go back to bed resulting in meltdowns. Due to our own lack of sleep and mental health we do allow her to sleep in our room but not in our bed. She always starts off in her bed. We try our hardest to stick to a strict routine. Every night is a battle to get her to bed, some evenings go well some don't. This has been going on for years.
Her social skill are good as far as I'm aware and her speech is good. She struggles to play independently at home and always has to be within sight of us. She's quite demanding. For example she wouldn't go in the garden without us or play upstairs or go to the toilet alone. I've just had to go to the toilet with her. Our garden is safe with no other access other than our front door.
She struggles to follow instructions at home e.g getting dressed. She can get dressed but doesn't. Not sure if this is just her being difficult/lazy.
As far as l know she's doing ok at school, perhaps falling a bit behind with her writing. She's been at school since June.
The other thing we really struggle with is the meltdowns. She suffered bad as a toddler to the point l went to see HV as l was struggling to cope. I was told she's quite intelligent and doesn't know how to channel it. I'm a childcare practitioner so I'm quite used to them. We still have them but less frequently but more aggressive. She will roll around on the floor, scream so loud it hurts your ears and she's quite aggressive and will throw and lash out at me. She bites her older sister. These can carry on for 20-30 minutes. We try to ignore her as the more we interact the worse she gets. On the odd occasion she's wet herself. She doesn't have these at school apart from the couple of occasions she refused to go to school. These are usually caused by not getting her own way and quite often food related.
Food....She's a good eater, likes to snack but isn't too fussy. Always hungry.
No sensory issues with clothing etc.
She does really worry about being alone. In the past she's talked about us dying and she'll be left alone when we've gone.
We've spoken to the schools support worker, nursing team and she's seen a counsellor. As soon as we mention there has been some improvement they think job done! It's so up and down its never done. School support worker recommended this site but didn't say why. The nursing team said we've to do a diary and if the meltdowns don't improve we may be able to get her assessed through school or our GP.
This all may seem like nothing to some people's struggles but it has affected our family life and my mental health greatly. I think it also affects my relationship with her and we've struggled to get support.
Just wondering what people's thoughts are?
Many thanks
This is so similar to us! Our daughter is now ten. Same mixed picture as yours, but same pathological fear of being alone and she particularly wants me with her whenever we're at home. We had not considered autism until very recently. Now we're thinking a diagnosis before she starts secondary school might be very beneficial. She herself thinks she may be autistic and is positive about being assessed. Because of the mixed picture and the fact she is a high achiever at school with no behavioural issues (I suspect she is masking very well), I am concerned we will just be regarded as anxious parents. Are we?!!
Hi @NAS71653.
Our daughter has always struggled to sleep. She would wake us every time she woke until she was about 8. She’s better now after lots of reassurance, but doesn’t go to bed until after 10, so we’re still exhausted.
She does very well in school and is a model pupil. She has a small group of friends. However, it is clear she is very insecure in these friendships and often worries about fitting in. Sometimes she feels these friends are teasing her. It’s difficult knowing whether these are normal difficulties a lot of prepubescent girls go through, or more about the way her behaving differently, socially.
She is exhausted after a day at school, behaving well, and tends to shout at me and hit me on the walk home. On the other hand, she does not want me out of her sight. She has never played alone, but wants me alongside her or watching her (she loves to dance, draw and sing).
She has violent outbursts at home when she just cannot control her emotions. This results in her throwing things, hitting furniture, attacking me or her brother and occasionally banging her head against the wall. These outbursts only happen at home.
She recently read two brilliant books written by an autistic girl, Libby Scott. She immediately identified with the main character, Tally, and started asking me if I think she is autistic. This is the first time I had seriously considered this, but it seems quite a likely explanation for her behaviour.
A very long answer to your question, but rest assured, you are not alone and you are not imagining things! I would suggest keeping a diary, so you have some evidence if you go down the assessment route. Even try to get video of your daughter, if she will tolerate it (My daughter has broken two cameras as a result of me trying to do this).
Good luck!
Thanks for your reply. We are not sure if she's just strong willed or if there is an underlining issue. We feel we have to think of how to deal with her to prevent meltdowns and sleep issues. It's a constant battle, some days are good some aren't. Feel like I'm making it up though as people don't see what we see. She never gets tired! Austism has such a wide range of symptoms and l don't know enough about it. I always thought it affected their social skills, speech, meeting milestones etc but she's ok in these areas.
If you don't mind me asking what are your struggles?