Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I'm not sure where I'm going with this but l would like people opinions. Please be kind.
My daughter has just turned 6. Since l can remember we have always had issues getting her to sleep, she struggles to relax and switch off and becomes quite restless and agitated. As a result she sees bedtime as a negative thing. She is reluctant to sleep alone and wakes every night at least 3 times. On occasions she refuses to go back to bed resulting in meltdowns. Due to our own lack of sleep and mental health we do allow her to sleep in our room but not in our bed. She always starts off in her bed. We try our hardest to stick to a strict routine. Every night is a battle to get her to bed, some evenings go well some don't. This has been going on for years.
Her social skill are good as far as I'm aware and her speech is good. She struggles to play independently at home and always has to be within sight of us. She's quite demanding. For example she wouldn't go in the garden without us or play upstairs or go to the toilet alone. I've just had to go to the toilet with her. Our garden is safe with no other access other than our front door.
She struggles to follow instructions at home e.g getting dressed. She can get dressed but doesn't. Not sure if this is just her being difficult/lazy.
As far as l know she's doing ok at school, perhaps falling a bit behind with her writing. She's been at school since June.
The other thing we really struggle with is the meltdowns. She suffered bad as a toddler to the point l went to see HV as l was struggling to cope. I was told she's quite intelligent and doesn't know how to channel it. I'm a childcare practitioner so I'm quite used to them. We still have them but less frequently but more aggressive. She will roll around on the floor, scream so loud it hurts your ears and she's quite aggressive and will throw and lash out at me. She bites her older sister. These can carry on for 20-30 minutes. We try to ignore her as the more we interact the worse she gets. On the odd occasion she's wet herself. She doesn't have these at school apart from the couple of occasions she refused to go to school. These are usually caused by not getting her own way and quite often food related.
Food....She's a good eater, likes to snack but isn't too fussy. Always hungry.
No sensory issues with clothing etc.
She does really worry about being alone. In the past she's talked about us dying and she'll be left alone when we've gone.
We've spoken to the schools support worker, nursing team and she's seen a counsellor. As soon as we mention there has been some improvement they think job done! It's so up and down its never done. School support worker recommended this site but didn't say why. The nursing team said we've to do a diary and if the meltdowns don't improve we may be able to get her assessed through school or our GP.
This all may seem like nothing to some people's struggles but it has affected our family life and my mental health greatly. I think it also affects my relationship with her and we've struggled to get support.
Just wondering what people's thoughts are?
Many thanks
She sounds anxious to go to bed, she can't be anywhere alone (in the garden, upstairs, bathroom, dressing up, she has to have others there to feel safe). She's scared of others dying and she will be left alone, which probably makes her feel vulnerable and afraid. She might not feel a sense of security on the inside, and wants others to protect her and watch over her.
A method my family taught me for going to bed when I was young, is to get two stuffed animals, and tell her that one of the stuffed animals is going to be a guard that protects her and watches out for her, and face that one away from the bed so that it can "guard" her. And the other stuffed animal is just there for her to cuddle with and feel safe, and if she's still feeling anxious she can hold onto it tightly. Hopefully she will feel a sense of security and be able to fall asleep.
I mean, it's not an uncommon thing for young children to have safety blankets and stuffed animals to give them a sense of safety and security. Hopefully your child learns some good coping methods so she can feel safe, and then she can start building confidence and doing things independently and on her own.