Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, I am the mother of an 11 tear old with Asperger's who was diagnosed when he was four. Frankly I feel like I can't carry on. He behaves wonderfully at school and has found the transition to high school much easier than we had hoped. At home he is a nightmare (but not all the time). He swears incessantly (I think he likes the sound of the words), argues, and when he gets angry he bangs doors and kicks the furniture. He can't amuse himself very often. He has never has a friend and relies on me and my husband for constant entertainment. He likes to play on video games but gets extremely cross with them when he can't do something. He won't play out. He is grumpy and rude a lot of the time. I find him infuriating. He soils himself, wets the bed and won't go to the toilet at aone. The only advice anyone ever gives is "Write a social story" These don't work. I am sick to death of the whole situation and can't really see the point of anything - is this going to be the rest of my life. I fantasise about running away with my daughter but am not quite horrible enough to do that. I know I should just focus on him but I just don't know how to help.
Has anyone else ever felt like giving up?
Hi Mrs Baker and welcome to the NAS Community.
Thank you for sharing your situation here and, along with the comments so far, I'm sure others will offer their support and advice too.
It's great that you've found this service but we have many others that may be useful to you including our Helpline, Parent to Parent service and our Community Care Service: www.autism.org.uk/.../advice-and-information-services.aspx.
Please do contact us if you have any questions or we can help further.
Best wishes,Mike NAS
I’m reading all these as a grandparent of an 11 year old and frankly all the nicer nicey comments don’t work.My daughter and Son In Law are virtually begging for help and all they get told is that we refer it to a social worker if he gets worse call the police but we don’t think the police will do anything. Just talk to him as it stands in the last six weeks, he’s broken. Five TVs smashed the window broken the back gate broken the front door thrown eggs all over the walls and flooring pissed on all his siblings bed constantly there isn’t a door on any of the bedrooms he’s kick them all in. There’s just about a door on the bathroom. He smashed the window in the bedroom there are no lights upstairs because he’s broken all the sockets and switches kicking holes in the wall around the sockets the Home looks a wreck they’re going around virtually in the dark of a night time and yet all they get told is oh what about a buddy system? That’s fine but they have to pay for it not only for the buddies but also further for the activities that their child is going to do with them nothing comes free they are at their wits end to the point my daughter just wanted to leave her house and bring the other siblings to us leaving behind the husband who has ADHD and her son because she just cannot cope anymore. She had to fight to get the Son into a special school. It took 2 1/2 years to do this. Everything has been a fight to get yet there are no giving communities to help them. They can’t do full-time work because sometimes there’s some will not go into school the school ring up whenever there’s some says oh mummy and daddy did this mummy and daddy did that none of it true but it makes them out to be the bad parent yet as they say to the school, why don’t you ever phone us up and see how we’re doing in school holidays? They have to put him into a holiday day class because he cannot be around his siblings as he likes to pick on them won’t let them play takes over everyone’s life at home today in the last six years 31. TVs have been broken everywhere in the house is damaged. Cutlery has to be hidden away. He snatches his dad‘s keys to try and unlock the front and back doors he escapes out the garden gate tries to drag the dog out and doesn’t look as he runs across roads he throws anything and everything out of a window to the point they’ve had to look every single one nothing in the house is sacred no one is having a life and this starts from sometimes 430 in the morning to when he goes to bed at night they’re just isn’t enough being done to support families like this so sorry but all these have you spoken to someone have you done this? Have you done that? What about the government stepping in and helping these poor families to have at least respite care? My daughter and her husband haven’t had one day off in the last seven years he swears constantly at family and friends until now that support system is gradually petering off. It’s a no-win situation so what can they do?