Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
Just a bit of back ground. I am female and I have two young children my youngest is autistic my eldest son is autistic with a profile of pathological demand avoidance, dyslexic, possible adhd, we have recently sent back conners assessment forms to Camhs.
I very much believe I am autistic but I am scared of reporting my beliefs to the doctor. I’m scared that they may think I’m some sort of hypochondriac and not believe me. I have always been told I depression and anxiety and PTSD. I see a CPN for this but I just don’t feel that we click or she fully understands my fears worries etc. I am on medications also. I sometimes wonder if I do have depression & anxiety as I’ve always felt the way I feel about myself which is doubting everything, needing a lot of reassurance, and avoiding as much situations as I could. Having to write lists down about everything just to remember things or process what I need to buy/do/say. I am severely anxious is social situations which has got worse and worse the older I get I feel totally out of place In society and do things Like walk the long way home to avoid meeting any of my neighbours, looking out of windows to be sure no one is there gardens before I take bins out as I would then be forced into conversations. I regularly wear earphones to drown out the noises of people’s voices and cars when I am out as I feel like it’s drowning me and when my children have melt downs I really struggle with the noise and the behaviours it completely overwhelms me and I wish I could just pause the situation. I have 1 friend who I speak with on the phone fortnightly and I’m pretty happy being on my own as I do have my children. When I was in primary school and secondary I felt forced into situations and basically survived in groups but when it came down to one to one with friends it was awkward as I couldn’t think up conversations and I felt my body and face was sitting awkwardly. I would stutter or just not make sense as I would rush to say what I was thinking but my voice was saying it way faster than I should. I would look away in conversations and feel really uncomfortable. There is also a lot of risk taking behaviours which seemed to have calmed in the past few years. These are just some of the things. I feel very much like I live an act and I am acting when I conversations with my children’s schoo,l nursery, PSA etc it’s sounds stupid but I’m struggle a bit with getting my point across. Hope this makes sense and thank you if you read my post.
Lau :)
Hello I think you should get a diagnosis autism is very genetic so very likely you’re on the spectrum.
Hello Simon,
Thank you for your response, I feel that is what I need to do but I am very anxious about taking the first step in doing so. I believe also that there is a link with our genetics.
I was nervous to but not knowing was driving me mad