Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, and thanks for reading this post.
Within the past two years, my high-functioning son (now age 13) has been overly fixated on contamination worries. It has ebbed and flowed over this time, but remains the single most challenging issue for our household. He would listen intently when others used the bathroom to make sure they washed their hands, viewed certain objects as dirty and unable to be cleaned (doorknobs, cellphone, etc.). At one point, he would insist on "cleaning" the couch before sitting down with a sopping wet, soapy paper towel. There were constant meltdowns and screaming at others for their perceived lack of cleanliness, particularly his older brother whom he believed (for no apparent reason) was filthy and could not be near him. This has obviously impacted their personal relationship and has created an underlying tension in the family that is unbearable at times. What's absurd about all of this is that he's the one who lacks most in terms of hygiene (fingers always in mouth, eats food off the floor, etc.), but these things don't seem to bother him.
Lately, this fixation has seemed to resolve and lighten up a bit, but I don't know why. He now sits on the couch, maintains closer contact to family members, and moves about the house more freely. However, he views his bedroom as off limits and untouchable, unless certain rules are followed such as washing hands before entering. He asks his younger brother who shares the room with him to change his clothes before entering if he deems him "dirty". He uses an excessive amount of liquid hand soap each day, but only before entering and when spending time in his room. Other soaps "don't feel right" to him, and one or two squirts is not enough - he can go through an entire bottle in one day!
I don't believe this is necessarily and strictly OCD. He just has very rigid black and white thinking, and a strong conviction that things are dirty and there are rules to follow, especially as it relates to his room and personal space. It could be that his room is his safe space where he feels the most relaxed and at peace, hence the strong feelings?
I desperately want to help him. He will not participate in any therapy or self help as he does not believe there is a problem to fix. What can I do to help him overcome this obsession and the frustration related to it? Is this typical of others with his diagnosis? Will this dissipate or change over time?
Thank you in advance for any thoughts or advice you may have.
I can relate to this and from around age 10 or so I started to pay attention to it. At first I would hate to even do things like sit on a bus seat and would need a shower afterwards to feel clean. As I got older it got better so it basically doesn't impact my everyday life or give me anxiety at any more because I can always wash my hands or have a shower after I get home (but usually don't feel I need a shower until before going to bed)
There are still some things I won't do though. Although I can cope with touching door handles, petrol pumps, public computers etc I still have a feeling in the back of my head that it is dirty after all the people touching it and preferably I would want to wash my hands afterwards.
The only one I absolutely have to avoid is touching public toilet door handles. I have to use a receipt or tissue out of my pocket to open them and then carry it with me to put it in a bin afterwards. I noticed that sometimes other people do the same and even cleaners have put bins next to the door because of it. I once had to touch a toilet handle on the way out and felt like my hand was burning and needed to find somewhere else to wash my hands. The reason I don't like it is because of all the guys that go to the toilet and don't wash their hands, it's actually how people get ill by touching this bacteria then touching their mouth