Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
This is my first time postin, I'll get straight to it I have a 9 year old boy who I've always thought is just harder work to get through too and is a day dreamer with a incredible imagination but the older he gets the more concerned i have become it's only recently in the last week that it's even accured to me he may have always been showing signs of autism.
He struggles with making and keeping friends however it's very unlikely to upset him, he just plays on his own very happily. He enjoys his own company. He wont budge on what hes playing or try new things like I've seen children his age doing he will just go off and do his own thing.
He talks ALOT barely comes up for air when its something he is interested in! He is pretty loud when speaking and we find ourselves always telling him not to shout.
He obsessive over things to the point he has almost convinced himself that he is them ie Harry Potter (when in year one made everyone in class call him Harry and signed his work as Harry) he will talk for hours to anyone who will listen about the things he is in fascination with at the time even if its clear they arent listening. I've seen this happen many times it's so sad but he is completely unaware.
He has the most amazing imagination for a 9 year old he always wants to be playing or thinking about how a game can go, down to every fine detail and is very controlling over what part he will play however he spends the whole time thinking up a game or discussing it and telling other people and what will happen in it he rarely actually plays the game.
He cannot cope with music or dancing period hates it you can see it physically makes him squirm. It really overwhelms him.
He Is a fantastic artist and again will only draw the same things over and over depending on what his new fascination is.
He cant bare people touching him unless it's on his terms and even then he can look like it's almost forced with everyone but myself. When friends have put their arm over him he will remove it instantly he wont allow his brother to cuddle him at all.
He is still very much into dressing up which I'm unsure if children his age still like doing as many grow up too fast. He will sit for hours to make his own costume if he doesnt have what he wants to dress up as.
You need to bring him down to earth to get through to him you can say his name a million times next to him and it's like he is completely deaf until you maybe move your arms around and say his name to gain his attention.
He much prefers adult company to children's and doesnt seem to understand children and can be very bossy with them.
He cant stand loud noises ever and gets quite irritated by them especially people eating loudly, music etc.
He can take things very literally or completely miss the point of something you are telling him or explaining to him and goes off onto something that is totally irrelevant to what you are saying.
These are just a few of his ways and I'm genuinely devastated that its never accured to me maybe he has some form of autism. Am I right for worrying? Please help me i dont want to go through a process of labeling him if it's just me having a panic over nothing.
I'm literally in tears, I feel awful I've never seen it or worried about it before and I must have told him off so many times for not listening, not getting the point not playing the games other children are etc.
Please please can someone help me?
Thank you
I have 2 children: a 9-year old boy and a 4-year old girl. Our son has always been precocious, intelligent, and sensitive. He's a very cute and charming kid, and people love him. However, he's always been a "softer" kid, and has sometimes dealt with bullying from people who call him girly, skinny, gay, etc. My husband was raised in a strict evangelical family in the rural midwest and has very traditional views on masculinity, and though he loves our son to death, this has been a point of contention in their relationship. He's always after my son to get interested in more traditionally "boyish" things like sports, hunting, cars, etc. He sometimes gets a little irritated when my son instead prefers to read books at home or play around with his little sister and her dolls.
Recently I caught my son trying on some of my makeup - just some blush, mascara, lipstick, etc. It was a little surprising to me, but my first thought was that my son had actually done a pretty good job at applying it, LOL. I asked him what he was doing and he got really embarrassed, said he was just messing around with it and wouldn't do it again. I said okay and didn't press the issue further, since I felt he was uncomfortable.
However, a few weeks later I found out that he had gone to school with a small, but noticeable amount of makeup. He sometimes runs directly to the carpool in the morning and I don't notice him. We only found out from the parent of a friend, who ended up calling my husband about it after school. Apparently my son had done the same thing as before, used a little bit of blush and lipstick, enough for anyone to obviously tell. My husband freaked out over this. While I wasn't home, he confronted my son, who said he'd just tried it out because he liked the way it looked. Apparently they got into a huge fight, and my husband ended up yelling at my son, spanking him, and sending him to his room.
I only found out about all this once I got back from work. I couldn't believe my husband had reacted this way. He's never been violent with the kids before. I comforted and hugged my son, who was still crying. I told him everything was okay. He's been terrified of his dad ever since. I asked my husband what the hell he was thinking, but he said he was just trying to do the right thing for our son, and if he kept on the way he was going he would be bullied and ostracized by the other kids. He told me to keep the makeup away from our son and to start forcing him into more "masculine" activities and extracurricular.
I'm at a loss for what to do here. I think what my husband did is unacceptable, and I don't know how to deal with this going forward. What should I tell my son? How should they mend their relationship? I want my son to be able to express himself, but I don't want him to be bullied or made fun of.