fed up.

hello we are in the throws of conflict with school and Lea who are on our side but alas school  well lets just say are not acting in the right  way and in line with what they should be the worry levels are through the roof. my son 13yrs just recently diagnosed with aspergers after a four year dialogue with various agencies   now my boy is depressed and is at a crucial time of his schooling and we cannot afford to mess it up for him any longer . we are forced into looking at other schools despite . lea saying he should be in mainstream school with help we havent been offered help so am doing cog behaviour with my son to help him understand himself....there are d a ys shen i feel fed up too and get weary in the battle but what keeps me going is, my son and sounds to me that you are a fab mum and are doing your best and that is enough . i do hope it get resolved in some way and your not alone truely your not........so hang on in there your family are your true north........thinking of you

HappyDays said:

hi everyone,

im sooo fed up at the moment. its just one thing after another, after another. im sick up to the back teeth of problems related to school. most recently my daughter at special school seems to be having problems with a teaching assistant, who just dosnt seem to understand Autism very well, and the difficulties my daughter has, ive had to phone the school to sort things out before they get out of hand. im gutted really we as a family with other autistic chidren have always had problems with settings but i thought this one was ok. eldest daughter having a nightmare at her school, bullies etc i have one boy at home and i just cant find a setting suitable, was looking at an autism specific but reading their policys put me off, apparantly if you have a problem with the way the school deals with somthing the school will look into it however if you are not satisfied with the outcome, the school can refuse to investigate further and if you continue to complain they will do you for harassment.?.not good if you genuinly feel the school is wrong. i usually keep plodding on but im just not myself at the moment, at an apointment last week with my daughter someone suggested somthing to me that has knocked me off course a bit. My family has disowned us becsuse they cant cope with us all, and i dont have friends i dont really do friends, and those i do get dont hang around for long. im just fed up. will anything ever go right?

a 'special school' whgich has teachers who dont understand the needs of its pupils is something to be addressed whether they want you to or not, you have every right to complain and take this further, and i dont mean to the school i mean to anyone above the school,  mps etc

this IS a matter for you to take to people who can actually change this. an dif the school refuse to and are even threatening you for trying to get them to listen and actually do their job, then you have every right to do that, you have given them every chance to listen and help

they have been absolutely disgusting about it, and that itself is another thing to put to the mp

if you feel your children are somehow suffering emotionally because of the treatment of this school and their refusal to deal with it you do NOT plod on, you go take action

i am sorry to hear about your family, autism isnt an easy issue to live with for many people and for some they just cant do it, and i do understand that, but i cant say i feel much respect for those who disown their family because of it when its no ones fault and you must NOT feel any guilt or blame on your part, because this is not your fault, it is just something thats happened and some cant deal with it, you dont get that choice, they do, and they used it.

so as hard as it sounds, you  have to forget about them and just focus on yourself and your family and the problems you face on this issue

will it ever go right, this is not an easy thing to answer, because i think most of society isnt 'right' especially with this kind of serious issue,  so i dont think it will go right in that sense,

but can you make it better for you and your family,

YES, but its a lot of hard work 

You really are not alone. I have a son with asd and an older son without. I will be on my own with them at christmas because he is just not welcome anywere which is so sad and isolating. he has had numerous school placements break down but do not give in/up, professionals get paid an awefull lot of money to give your child the care they need and if they dont have empathy then they are in the wrong job. you DO have a say so never forget that x

hi hellsbells

 my kids are always arguing (arent kids great), very difficult if not just impossible to reason with them, i usually just end up seperating them off in thier own direction to calm down.

This year ive decided not to put us all through the social carry on for christmas, we are staying put, people know where we are, and its easier for them to come to us, the kids are more comfortable at home so thats where well be staying, also i wont feel so uncomfortable when thing get broken, because one of the kids has frankly had enough.

As my daughter has got older her communication has improved also, this is great, although i now often get told off by a 10 year old.

Not surprised you're feeling low. Like Supermummy, I've only got 1 child on the spectrum (with 2 others) but that causes enough issues at times. I think the main thing for me at the moment is the isolation. We really avoid visiting people as a family because it can all just get too much. M gets wound up really easily, particularly by his older brother, who just can't resist the challenge and then they're fighting or arguing and it's loud and antisocial. So we just don't do it very often. I'm already stressing about visiting family at Christmas - am I going to be able to keep it all under control etc etc? So, if that's with 1, it must get very difficult and lonely with 4.

But, there are good bits and as they're getting older, on the whole it's improving. As M matures, he's getting more able to express himself, particularly to us, but also at school, where in the past we've had huge problems. So I think it does get better.

Hang on in there - you're not alone.

Hellsbells x

Thanks supermummy I feel much better about things today, all the problems are still there but i feel more myself today again. ironic really, i have 4 kids on the spectrum, and although at times it can be challenging none of them are half as much trouble to me as the people/services and schools that are supposed to be there to make life easier for them.

I dont really know what to say other than i know how desperate and isolating it can be sometimes. I only have the one autistic child, a 4yr old boy, who is driving my husband and i to despair and im 6 months pregnant with a girl who im praying will not be ASD however i bet she will be! I cant imagine how you must be feeling with you having more than one child but i really admire you for coping. Chin up, you never know whats around the corner :)