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Did i cause my childs autism

NAS66123

I have a 4yo girl diagnosed with autism.

I just cant help but think it is my fault that she has autism. When she was a baby and had only just began to roll she accidently rolled off our bed on to a hard floor. 

I feel like this is the reason she may have it as all her blood tests came back as normal.

I have never voiced this concern before as i am so ashamed. I cry about it all the time. I havent said it even to my husband. 

But i worry that maybe i should talk to my childs doctor about it or voice this to a professional. I just dont know how im going to ever say it out loud. But feel like i need to for my daughters sake.

I dont really know what im asking i just hit a low point with it and know i nees help! 

  • Hi Nas66123

    I have two older children diagnosed and one younger child going through diagnosis. 

    Having children diagnosed with autism is stressful for many parents, it's a whole new and sometimes scary world.

    It's normal for a parent to feel "was it my fault" I know when my eldest was first diagnosed that's how I felt.

    "what did I do?" "could it have been that?"

    It's totally normal to feel that way. 

    But autism is something that isn't caused by knocks to the head as I've been told it's something that they are born with, something that has been there way before we even noticed the first signs.

    Try not to beat yourself up about the situation. I had a similar situation with my middle son where he had an infected chicken pox and developed cellulitis and we almost lost him. I always wondered if I hadn't of let him play in the garden around the mud that day maybe it wouldn't have happened and did it cause the autism. But I didn't cause it, it was just something that happened and thankfully he made a full recovery.

    Keep telling yourself you didn't cause the autism, a knock on the head cannot cause it. 

    Hope that helps 

  • Even if the fall did cause autism, which as others have said, it didn't, what would telling the doctor achieve? It's a lifelong condition and knowing the cause doesn't help you or your daughter learn to live with it. You talk about speaking out for your daughter's sake but the best way to help her is to accept her for who she is and stay strong to support her.

    Having guilty feelings is normal regardless of the circumstances, yours have just picked a specific incident to focus on. Other people may focus on some medication they took during pregnancy or sending their child to nursery as a baby.

  • Dropping a kid on their head does not cause autism in children.

    The only way to blame yourself is by saying "Well I gave birth to my child, so that's why its my fault".

    If it is upsetting you that much talk to your doctor and they should be able to put your mind at rest, and if you really cannot talk to them face to face call the NHS line 111 and talk to them.

  • Autism is not caused by knocks to the head.  Don't beat yourself up about it.  Lots of info on this site about autism so have a look around.  Be kind to yourself

  • Dear parent,

    You did not cause your daughter to be autistic by having an accident. This occurs with babies all the time, more than 1 in 60 babies (I would hazard a guess) fall off beds. If the hospital said your baby was fine then, they are fine now. Babies are very resilient to knocks and bashes; otherwise, the humanity may not have survived after such injuries; thus, nor evolved alike it has. 

    Importantly, most importantly, your daughter is a wonderful human being who is autistic. This is not a bad thing. The struggle that she may encounter is more to do with the society not understanding or accepting her as she is. This may provoke masking behaviour, which would promote mental health issues. However, maybe she won't for other reasons. The world is constructed for neurotypical people. This is what I suggest focusing on - alter your daughter's surrounding so she can be herself and happy. Advocate for a society that accepts her and accommodates her needs. Whatever support level she may need, you can do your best to attain them and champion for reasonable adjustments (which, at times, will not be enough). As 'reasonable' is only so in a macro sense, and not for her. 

    All the best, and I hope this comes welcomed.

    Nathan