Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone,
i have a 4,5 year old son who started reception this September. He had a funding in preschool, which helped him socially a lot, but since at school he doesn’t receive anything. We applied for EHCP needs assessment, but we didn’t get it. The LA is saying the school has enough funding to deal with this, but school doesn’t seem to do much and very defensive. They don’t provide enough information and sometimes I feel they state false things. My son can be very withdrawn in busy school situations such as school playgrounds. He doesn’t have anyone looking over him particularly other than the 4 adults for the whole school at playtimes. He had 2 head injuries within the first 3/52 in September from the same boy, which school notified me at the beginning, but since I went in to speak with them about it they stopped letting me know in writing as I used the slips in our EHCP paperwork as evidence. My son keeps having injuries, which never happened in preschool and not typical of him. His latest one was again with the same child and resulted 2 chipped incisor teeth for him and one of them potentially nerve damaged as he is constantly in pain, but dentist do nothing to alleviate it other than will have a look at 1/12 time..
I am getting very anxious and angry at the same time with the school (obviously trying to keep a professional communication up with them) but the school is playing everything down and very passive. They don’t even think there was an impact in the injury where his tooth got damaged.. I am not sure where this is going to go? Don’t understand why the school is so passive and why they are not providing extra pair of hands to help him at playtime to model proper interactions and keep him safe. He can be very withdrawn and complying with the teachers whatever they ask him to do. (Educational psychologist input) My son is not happy to go to school now, he is scared, he is constantly stripped over. But if I mention anything to the school they think I am just an anxious mother and over reacting the situation. Although they know he has ASD diagnosis..
What can I do? Please help me with some advice? What can I say to my son he should do if something happens on the playground? I tell him to tell it to the teacher immediately, but of course one of his problem is communication so he can’t stand up for himself and normally the other children fill in the teachers which not necessarily reflect what happens. Occasionally at evening times at home I get drips of information from him, but I can’t keep questioning him as he gets upset and doesn’t want to scare him either.
Please help me what to do?
thank you
Hi, I'm new to this forum. My son will be 9 next month, and I know you and your boy will have hard struggles over the next years. This sounds very negative, but the likelihood is true. My son has an EHCP which we got after appealing the decision. First of all appeal the decision. He got it through evidence of severe dyslexia, visual stress and behavioural issues, such as banging his head when stressed, or in meltdown. This was classed as self harm. His interactions with peers were and are a challenge for him, and he gets easily upset and angry, if he feels wronged/over whelmed. When he was your son's age, he was always getting hurt, and it was usually by an individual child he particularly didn't get on with. Later, in year 3 and now in year 4, he is now often seen as the aggressor, as he lashes out when his peers change the rules of games, or he feels picked on. I feel a lot of his behaviours could have been managed better earlier, but they weren't.
He got an ASD diagnosis on Wednesday, following an assessment in December. I'm shocked your boy wasn't given an EHCP on the strength of his ASD diagnosis. The SENCO at my son's school has been supportive, and the Head Teacher does a lot with him. Every one feels he's complex. Even with the school being supportive, they have let him down. He still does not have appropriate assistive technology for dyslexia. Differentiated work is often a joke. He presents as a different child at home. Thank God.
I know what you mean about not wanting to keep questioning your boy. Mine gets very upset when we talk about school, and worries. He hates school, and this year its been horrendous trying to get him there some days. I also feel that I have to keep addressing matters with school over and over again, and this gets draining. I hope your get better support. I now know my son's behaviours are a result of him coping with a stressful environment, and I've always taken his side, because I know he's a well intentioned boy.
Importantly, I now email my worries directly to the school, and invite them to respond that way. I wish I'd done this sooner. I question every decision which is turned down. I continue to ask for the bare minimum of what my son is entitled to. I've even withdrawn my son from school temporarily, due to his experiences there, and I made sure I emailed the reasons.
If you haven't the strength to appeal EHCP decision, give it a year and apply again. I have found that the more challenging my child has become, the more they throw at the situation (they throw nothing useful, by the way), but when he was less challenging, no help was offered.
I hope some of this helps.