5 year old girl is made fun of at school

Hi

Thank you for all your suggestions I really appreciate.

I definitely agree that I do need some counselling or join a group where I can open up. I stay very positive and find activities to help and support her but when alone I feel very depressed. 

Xx

Look how far you've both come already - you helped her to get here!  You are both amazing and will both always make things come good. Next is this hurdle now x

Ok, this is good because we now exactly what the difficulty is here, that she wants to join in with games - school needs to be made aware that this is the issue and you'd like to know how they will be helping her to overcome this because she needs help.  You keep on going in and following up until you know she is now joining in with the games. Maybe in Sept you could agree a weekly report / face to face meeting with her teacher until this has changed so you can work on this together? 

I understand your anger and frustration with the parents, but I think it might be better to focus on 'the class potential for growth and development and your daughter's need' here, as this is within the schools power; school has little to no influence over parents.

I would suggest trying not to compare yourself or her to these show offs - this will always lead you down the path of feeling miserable; let them have their moment, then talk about the great things she says and does.  People just love to talk about their child, pets, themselves, where they're going on holiday, these are typical conversations aren't they? You can say how determined and focused she always is to finish what she's doing, you love this about her - or something like, you know what I mean. At the moment you seem to be hearing x is brilliant at reading, then thinking yeah my child cant do that - share the joy she gives you instead flower.

I think if you start to feel better about things this will also help; this is huge, she is a big part of your life and you love her dearly, there are always going be mental adjustments to make every now and then, it's incredibly challenging to deal with at times, you are a novice and dont know how to deal with it all, because none of us do do we until we've worked things out we havent experienced before, it's often hard work and emotionally upsetting as well at times. Have you considered some therapy to help you feel better about it all?  Only I have often found this invaluable at times, especially when I feel a bit stuck with how I'm feeling and I don't like feeling this way - just an idea.  If you feel positive about things this will help you both and to take on these challenges with others when you need to.

From what you've said on here she sounds like a real little sweetie, wishing you both all good things xx

I wanted to say I have no answer but feel the same. My son was bullied terribly in primary, beat badly. made fun of, I pulled him out twice to home educate him but I myself couldnt cope with this over time sadly. 

We tried 4 different primary schools in the end. His High school has the best SEN support in the area but the children are horiffic, in year 7 he was assaulted so badly in class the police were called. 

He's never had friends in school. He joined the scouts last year, there were a couple of issues with kids but the scout leader was on it straight away as they have strong core values.(if only schools were as good!) Anyway he's actually made friends at scouts now! He's having his first actual birthday party (I thought I'd never see). Scouts come up to him happy to see him I could cry when I see that! Theres a couple of scouts in his school so thats helped a little with the school situation. We had tried so many groups etc but he hated them all. Scouts he loves! They do have cubs early, it may be an option? I wish I'd sent my boy earlier to be honest

Hi 

I absolutely adore my girl and believe in her talent and strength undoubtedly. I know for sure that she will have lead a very independent life and will do great in her career.

What I meant was these childhood pleasures, carefree and memorable time. God snatched this from her. Her Autism was bit severe between 2-4 years don't know why. And she was extremely scared of loud noises, sensitive to touch of certain objects and social interaction. Her nursery time was extremely tough and everyday other kids would play, eat meals enjoy doing messy play crafts etc she would sit in one corner and play with same toy. They will get her to do diff things but she would just sit uninterested. In her 2 years of nursery she only ate fruits there not a single meal. I just didn't wanted her to not enjoy school time just how she didn't nursery. It's not in my control but just a mother's feeling. 

Now she is totally changed person. Talking about her fears helps her to overcome them. For example hand dryers. Going out and using public toilet was my biggest worry and we used to avoid going anywhere she is not familiar. Still she takes baby steps before using it and is very wary of the surroundings. But happy for her that she can go to toilet the most basic human necessity without any fear in her little heart.

Yes I agree with you. I am reading alot to her. She is very honest bright little girl. One thing I can tell you is that she never does anything wrong. For her world is either black or white there is no in between. If she she something is wrong everyone will do it she would never. She is not afraid to stand alone. I know like you said she is and with time will face some more negative behaviours and I will have to prepare her for that. 

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Hope things go as you wish. 

God bless your lil one

Hi Thank you for your time and reply. I totally agree with what you said. 

Yes I was told by Dr that she is happy with little company of friends or no company. And that I was thinking like others. Yes it was true in nursery but now coming towards the end of the reception she is interested in playing with everyone and wants to be part of the games. 

I totally agree that school should have some sort if educational meeting not only for kids but specially for parents. Because some of the parents are so proud of their kids they keep telling you about their achievements knowing that my child is struggling. My girl is very strong mentally she tries very hard to finish activity or any task but never quits, she gets slow in the process tof keeping herself safe. Others think she us super slow and even tell her on her face without realising how hard she tried to do that task.

Kids are mean because they are not taught and educated neither by parents nor by the school about Autism. There are millions out their who think Autism is mentally retarded they don't know about the spectrum, different needs, capabilities and strengths. 

I don't think God has taken anything from your daughter, looking at NTs and what they do to fit in I feel incredibly privileged to be autistic and to not have the same constraints as them, so perhaps he's given her more than others?

Unfortunately, as a human race were terrible at diversity. There's always a few vocal people who aren't very accepting of minorities and the rest of the pack are terrified of standing out and receiving the same treatment, due to this, they either add to the bad behaviour or at least accept it. It is likely your daughter is going to come across this behaviour all her life. I'm just finishing up a teaching role in a university disability team. My team have won numerous awards for best practice and we have one of the highest numbers of autistic students in the UK. We regularly have autistic individuals deliver talks, which my team attend, that highlight how social exclusion is one of the greatest challenges that face autistic people. Despite this, due to my sensory needs, I'm based in my own office a floor above my team. In the 15 months I've been there only one person has ever made the effort to come and speak to me. The team go out for lunches together and never invite me, plus when it was the Christmas party they all walked up to the restaurant together and didn't even tell me what time they were leaving. I don't think they do this on purpose. Although they hear what it's like for autistic individuals, I don't think they have the capacity to fully understand this information and act upon it. I have worked in other teams where they have gone out of their way to include me but this team isn't like that.

The greatest thing you could do for your daughter is to help her develop coping mechanisms, as well as her understanding of human behaviour. For example, there may be times in her life where she has to cope with hostile environments but that doesn't mean there aren't people elsewhere who will be interested in her and want to be her friend. If school isn't the environment for this I'd be encouraging her to join clubs, such as beavers, to meet other people. This could involve a lot of trail and error. What she's experiencing now isn't necessarily a NT/ND issue. For example, at uni meet people who don't get on with those in their halls or on their course. It's the ones who join clubs, make friends through work etc who were able to cope with that, whilst others leave.

I'm currently pregnant and have ordered the following book and workbook to help me teach my daughter about people skills.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Silent-Guides-author-Chimp-Paradox/dp/1788700015/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=steve+peters&qid=1562131938&s=books&sr=1-1

https://www.amazon.co.uk/My-Hidden-Chimp-author-Paradox-ebook/dp/B07K34NMK8/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=steve+peters+workbook&qid=1562131417&s=books&sr=1-1

Hey, I hear your pain and upset, this is clearly heartbreaking for you.  I think part of the problem is mainstream school treat everyone the same, when what is perhaps needed here is some education so that the rest of the class adopt her, understand it would be good to take care of her, and ultimately get to see and know the person she is. 

When people turn away it's so dam hurtful.  Shame on these parents.  These are the NMPs of the world (not my problem).  There are however some lovely folk out there too.  

I just wonder if your need and longing for her to have a friend is maybe not as important to her as it is to you? Like you say, she kind of rolls with things, is happy and a joy; but what isn't ok is any unkindess and I would be inclined to make this the schools responsibilty.  What is perhaps needed here is some autism awareness.  Some schools are better than others at dealing with things like this, some haven't got a clue and are dreadful. 

Mainstream school is so terrified of singling anyone out and the legal wrangle this can bring if it's handled badly that they have policies in place that say not to do it for any reason.  What is needed here is for her to feel happy she is different, we're all kinds of wonderful different aren't we, everyone of us; she maybe needs to become aware of what makes her different and to feel proud of this - maybe this comes with a bit of time, I dont know? Or is it never to early to start? Then perhaps she would be ready to talk about this is her class? Along side why others feel proud to be the individuals they are maybe? I am different because...and I like x about me. I like that my class mate x is different because...these are just my thoights off the top of my head, I actually think school needs to be thinking about how to tackle this need, it is not just her need, it is a class need isn't it.

Also, try to consider this, you kind of dont miss what you never had, I never had a father, didn't miss this in the slightest, very close to the rest of family and always felt loved and cherished so I don't feel I ever missed out.  Your normal is not her normal, her normal is normal to her isnt it - if that makes sense.  Each of us find our own experience normal to us.  Maybe for now she is quite happy on the peripheral? Being friends with everyone. Something perhaps only needs to change if she starts to say she is noticing x y z and doesn't understand why, starts to want a closer friend or to feel more involved say. 

I think her mental health is always going to be your first priorty over any educational need, because if she is happy she will want to learn, if she is happy to go to school this shows us she is happy or happy enough, if she starts to say she doesnt want to go then this is a problem that needs attending to.

Unfortunately, kids often simply do not know how to relate to those they perceive as different, they need to be 'shown', they need to learn that difference is a good thing, that everyone has value and to always treat others with kindness and respect.  Sounds like her school needs reminding of this because at present no one is attending to this are they and she is being left to get on with it, which is a real shame, as there is the potential here for the entire class to grow and develop here, become responsible, caring class mates - the type of members we want more of in society. x