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5 year old girl is made fun of at school

NAS62959

Hello

My girl was diagnosed ASD when she was 3 and a half years. She had lots of sensory issues and used to flap hands (it's almost gone). Looking at her lot of people uses the term ' she doesn't look autistic'. She has speech and language difficulties and her fear of noise is almost under her control now.

Her reception year coming to an end and everyone child and their parents have found their best friend and groups. My girl is left out of all. She doesn't have any best friend or any real friend. In her head all are her friends. When I ask her who did you play with? She takes names of girls I know for sure are making fun of her on her face

I have seen in birthday parties n other occasions.my heart breaks to million pieces when I go to pick her up from school and see her looking at everyone with a hope that they will play or talk to her. She waves goodbyes at them and some of them won't even look at her. She sits alone for lunch or next to a boy who won't even turn towards her. One of the parties she was made constant fun of and laughed at.

Teachers have same answer everytime I ask something that everything is fine, we are keeping an eye and she is doing good. 

Every single school event/activity so far she was on her own without any friends.

I can't bear this pain anymore when I see girls of her age exchanging gifts, things made for obe another, chatting, having fun and my girl keeps staring at them and hardly says anything throughout the day. 

Parents of other kids are being nice on face but would never invite for playdate or even go together at the park. It's obvious they don't want their child to play with girl who has some struggle communicating.

She is doing really well but still needs to be given instructions one to one in order to make sure she got it right. She is such a lovely little girl, very kind and polite. 

I cried and cried tonight just worrying about what is in store for her in future?

Is there anyone out there who will be her friend and will look forward to seeing her everyday. 

Why did this happen to her? Why she had to go through so much pain and us still going when other kids of her age are living cheerful carefree life enjoying every single moment.

Why did God gave one child everything and took so much from the other?

I cry to bed almost every nite

Parents

  • Hey, I hear your pain and upset, this is clearly heartbreaking for you.  I think part of the problem is mainstream school treat everyone the same, when what is perhaps needed here is some education so that the rest of the class adopt her, understand it would be good to take care of her, and ultimately get to see and know the person she is. 

    When people turn away it's so dam hurtful.  Shame on these parents.  These are the NMPs of the world (not my problem).  There are however some lovely folk out there too.  

    I just wonder if your need and longing for her to have a friend is maybe not as important to her as it is to you? Like you say, she kind of rolls with things, is happy and a joy; but what isn't ok is any unkindess and I would be inclined to make this the schools responsibilty.  What is perhaps needed here is some autism awareness.  Some schools are better than others at dealing with things like this, some haven't got a clue and are dreadful. 

    Mainstream school is so terrified of singling anyone out and the legal wrangle this can bring if it's handled badly that they have policies in place that say not to do it for any reason.  What is needed here is for her to feel happy she is different, we're all kinds of wonderful different aren't we, everyone of us; she maybe needs to become aware of what makes her different and to feel proud of this - maybe this comes with a bit of time, I dont know? Or is it never to early to start? Then perhaps she would be ready to talk about this is her class? Along side why others feel proud to be the individuals they are maybe? I am different because...and I like x about me. I like that my class mate x is different because...these are just my thoights off the top of my head, I actually think school needs to be thinking about how to tackle this need, it is not just her need, it is a class need isn't it.

    Also, try to consider this, you kind of dont miss what you never had, I never had a father, didn't miss this in the slightest, very close to the rest of family and always felt loved and cherished so I don't feel I ever missed out.  Your normal is not her normal, her normal is normal to her isnt it - if that makes sense.  Each of us find our own experience normal to us.  Maybe for now she is quite happy on the peripheral? Being friends with everyone. Something perhaps only needs to change if she starts to say she is noticing x y z and doesn't understand why, starts to want a closer friend or to feel more involved say. 

    I think her mental health is always going to be your first priorty over any educational need, because if she is happy she will want to learn, if she is happy to go to school this shows us she is happy or happy enough, if she starts to say she doesnt want to go then this is a problem that needs attending to.

    Unfortunately, kids often simply do not know how to relate to those they perceive as different, they need to be 'shown', they need to learn that difference is a good thing, that everyone has value and to always treat others with kindness and respect.  Sounds like her school needs reminding of this because at present no one is attending to this are they and she is being left to get on with it, which is a real shame, as there is the potential here for the entire class to grow and develop here, become responsible, caring class mates - the type of members we want more of in society. x

Reply

  • Hey, I hear your pain and upset, this is clearly heartbreaking for you.  I think part of the problem is mainstream school treat everyone the same, when what is perhaps needed here is some education so that the rest of the class adopt her, understand it would be good to take care of her, and ultimately get to see and know the person she is. 

    When people turn away it's so dam hurtful.  Shame on these parents.  These are the NMPs of the world (not my problem).  There are however some lovely folk out there too.  

    I just wonder if your need and longing for her to have a friend is maybe not as important to her as it is to you? Like you say, she kind of rolls with things, is happy and a joy; but what isn't ok is any unkindess and I would be inclined to make this the schools responsibilty.  What is perhaps needed here is some autism awareness.  Some schools are better than others at dealing with things like this, some haven't got a clue and are dreadful. 

    Mainstream school is so terrified of singling anyone out and the legal wrangle this can bring if it's handled badly that they have policies in place that say not to do it for any reason.  What is needed here is for her to feel happy she is different, we're all kinds of wonderful different aren't we, everyone of us; she maybe needs to become aware of what makes her different and to feel proud of this - maybe this comes with a bit of time, I dont know? Or is it never to early to start? Then perhaps she would be ready to talk about this is her class? Along side why others feel proud to be the individuals they are maybe? I am different because...and I like x about me. I like that my class mate x is different because...these are just my thoights off the top of my head, I actually think school needs to be thinking about how to tackle this need, it is not just her need, it is a class need isn't it.

    Also, try to consider this, you kind of dont miss what you never had, I never had a father, didn't miss this in the slightest, very close to the rest of family and always felt loved and cherished so I don't feel I ever missed out.  Your normal is not her normal, her normal is normal to her isnt it - if that makes sense.  Each of us find our own experience normal to us.  Maybe for now she is quite happy on the peripheral? Being friends with everyone. Something perhaps only needs to change if she starts to say she is noticing x y z and doesn't understand why, starts to want a closer friend or to feel more involved say. 

    I think her mental health is always going to be your first priorty over any educational need, because if she is happy she will want to learn, if she is happy to go to school this shows us she is happy or happy enough, if she starts to say she doesnt want to go then this is a problem that needs attending to.

    Unfortunately, kids often simply do not know how to relate to those they perceive as different, they need to be 'shown', they need to learn that difference is a good thing, that everyone has value and to always treat others with kindness and respect.  Sounds like her school needs reminding of this because at present no one is attending to this are they and she is being left to get on with it, which is a real shame, as there is the potential here for the entire class to grow and develop here, become responsible, caring class mates - the type of members we want more of in society. x

Children
  • in reply to NAS62936

    Hi Thank you for your time and reply. I totally agree with what you said. 

    Yes I was told by Dr that she is happy with little company of friends or no company. And that I was thinking like others. Yes it was true in nursery but now coming towards the end of the reception she is interested in playing with everyone and wants to be part of the games. 

    I totally agree that school should have some sort if educational meeting not only for kids but specially for parents. Because some of the parents are so proud of their kids they keep telling you about their achievements knowing that my child is struggling. My girl is very strong mentally she tries very hard to finish activity or any task but never quits, she gets slow in the process tof keeping herself safe. Others think she us super slow and even tell her on her face without realising how hard she tried to do that task.

    Kids are mean because they are not taught and educated neither by parents nor by the school about Autism. There are millions out their who think Autism is mentally retarded they don't know about the spectrum, different needs, capabilities and strengths.