5 year old girl is made fun of at school

Hey, I hear your pain and upset, this is clearly heartbreaking for you.  I think part of the problem is mainstream school treat everyone the same, when what is perhaps needed here is some education so that the rest of the class adopt her, understand it would be good to take care of her, and ultimately get to see and know the person she is. 

When people turn away it's so dam hurtful.  Shame on these parents.  These are the NMPs of the world (not my problem).  There are however some lovely folk out there too.  

I just wonder if your need and longing for her to have a friend is maybe not as important to her as it is to you? Like you say, she kind of rolls with things, is happy and a joy; but what isn't ok is any unkindess and I would be inclined to make this the schools responsibilty.  What is perhaps needed here is some autism awareness.  Some schools are better than others at dealing with things like this, some haven't got a clue and are dreadful. 

Mainstream school is so terrified of singling anyone out and the legal wrangle this can bring if it's handled badly that they have policies in place that say not to do it for any reason.  What is needed here is for her to feel happy she is different, we're all kinds of wonderful different aren't we, everyone of us; she maybe needs to become aware of what makes her different and to feel proud of this - maybe this comes with a bit of time, I dont know? Or is it never to early to start? Then perhaps she would be ready to talk about this is her class? Along side why others feel proud to be the individuals they are maybe? I am different because...and I like x about me. I like that my class mate x is different because...these are just my thoights off the top of my head, I actually think school needs to be thinking about how to tackle this need, it is not just her need, it is a class need isn't it.

Also, try to consider this, you kind of dont miss what you never had, I never had a father, didn't miss this in the slightest, very close to the rest of family and always felt loved and cherished so I don't feel I ever missed out.  Your normal is not her normal, her normal is normal to her isnt it - if that makes sense.  Each of us find our own experience normal to us.  Maybe for now she is quite happy on the peripheral? Being friends with everyone. Something perhaps only needs to change if she starts to say she is noticing x y z and doesn't understand why, starts to want a closer friend or to feel more involved say. 

I think her mental health is always going to be your first priorty over any educational need, because if she is happy she will want to learn, if she is happy to go to school this shows us she is happy or happy enough, if she starts to say she doesnt want to go then this is a problem that needs attending to.

Unfortunately, kids often simply do not know how to relate to those they perceive as different, they need to be 'shown', they need to learn that difference is a good thing, that everyone has value and to always treat others with kindness and respect.  Sounds like her school needs reminding of this because at present no one is attending to this are they and she is being left to get on with it, which is a real shame, as there is the potential here for the entire class to grow and develop here, become responsible, caring class mates - the type of members we want more of in society. x

Hi Thank you for your time and reply. I totally agree with what you said. 

Yes I was told by Dr that she is happy with little company of friends or no company. And that I was thinking like others. Yes it was true in nursery but now coming towards the end of the reception she is interested in playing with everyone and wants to be part of the games. 

I totally agree that school should have some sort if educational meeting not only for kids but specially for parents. Because some of the parents are so proud of their kids they keep telling you about their achievements knowing that my child is struggling. My girl is very strong mentally she tries very hard to finish activity or any task but never quits, she gets slow in the process tof keeping herself safe. Others think she us super slow and even tell her on her face without realising how hard she tried to do that task.

Kids are mean because they are not taught and educated neither by parents nor by the school about Autism. There are millions out their who think Autism is mentally retarded they don't know about the spectrum, different needs, capabilities and strengths. 

Hi Thank you for your time and reply. I totally agree with what you said. 

Yes I was told by Dr that she is happy with little company of friends or no company. And that I was thinking like others. Yes it was true in nursery but now coming towards the end of the reception she is interested in playing with everyone and wants to be part of the games. 

I totally agree that school should have some sort if educational meeting not only for kids but specially for parents. Because some of the parents are so proud of their kids they keep telling you about their achievements knowing that my child is struggling. My girl is very strong mentally she tries very hard to finish activity or any task but never quits, she gets slow in the process tof keeping herself safe. Others think she us super slow and even tell her on her face without realising how hard she tried to do that task.

Kids are mean because they are not taught and educated neither by parents nor by the school about Autism. There are millions out their who think Autism is mentally retarded they don't know about the spectrum, different needs, capabilities and strengths. 

Hi

Thank you for all your suggestions I really appreciate.

I definitely agree that I do need some counselling or join a group where I can open up. I stay very positive and find activities to help and support her but when alone I feel very depressed. 

Xx

Ok, this is good because we now exactly what the difficulty is here, that she wants to join in with games - school needs to be made aware that this is the issue and you'd like to know how they will be helping her to overcome this because she needs help.  You keep on going in and following up until you know she is now joining in with the games. Maybe in Sept you could agree a weekly report / face to face meeting with her teacher until this has changed so you can work on this together? 

I understand your anger and frustration with the parents, but I think it might be better to focus on 'the class potential for growth and development and your daughter's need' here, as this is within the schools power; school has little to no influence over parents.

I would suggest trying not to compare yourself or her to these show offs - this will always lead you down the path of feeling miserable; let them have their moment, then talk about the great things she says and does.  People just love to talk about their child, pets, themselves, where they're going on holiday, these are typical conversations aren't they? You can say how determined and focused she always is to finish what she's doing, you love this about her - or something like, you know what I mean. At the moment you seem to be hearing x is brilliant at reading, then thinking yeah my child cant do that - share the joy she gives you instead flower.

I think if you start to feel better about things this will also help; this is huge, she is a big part of your life and you love her dearly, there are always going be mental adjustments to make every now and then, it's incredibly challenging to deal with at times, you are a novice and dont know how to deal with it all, because none of us do do we until we've worked things out we havent experienced before, it's often hard work and emotionally upsetting as well at times. Have you considered some therapy to help you feel better about it all?  Only I have often found this invaluable at times, especially when I feel a bit stuck with how I'm feeling and I don't like feeling this way - just an idea.  If you feel positive about things this will help you both and to take on these challenges with others when you need to.

From what you've said on here she sounds like a real little sweetie, wishing you both all good things xx