Published on 12, July, 2020
It's been a long hard road, but after 3 years with CAMHS my son finally has a diagnosis. Part of the lengthy process has been because his careworkers kept changing but part of the reason is also because some of them couldn't understand why he seemed to cope with school i.e. his behaviour at school appeared 'normal'. Anyway, after all the assessments they have finally come to the realisation he does have ASD. This was communicated to us about a month ago but he has not yet been told. We would prefer his careworker or someone to tell him this so they can hopefully better communicate it than us.
Life at home is evermore difficult. He is totally obsessed with his 'devices'; Xbox and Ipad and very rarely leaves him room. I've had to put time limits on the wifi otherwise we would never be able to get him off them, but this causes issues. He shouts his sister when he knows it is about to disconnect him and tries to get her to extend it as she knows the password. If I go in and ask him to come off he swears at me, shouts, stamps his feet and if it disconnects, he'll throw his Ipad and throw his things all over the floor, sometimes this might be drinks and food he deliberately throws on the floor.
At the moment he is supposed to be revising for his school tests (he is coming to the end of year 10, and next year is GCSE's) but getting him to do any study is near impossible. He is quite clever but puts absolutely no effort in. I dread him doing his GCSE's next year as even though he is capable of doing well, with his current behaviours I don't think he will do any revision and if we turn off his Xbox/Wifi he will probably wreck the house. To make things worse he has said he want's to go to the Sixth Form my daughter to goes to and won't even look anywhere else, but at this rate I don't think he will get the grades he needs to get in.
When he has a 'meltdown' about coming off his devices he rips his clothes, to the point where they cannot be worn anymore. He has a football 'blog' on Instagram and does a post every night. I warn him how much time he has left to post his daily post, but if he knows it is about to go he starts shouting and then can be when he starts ripping his clothes, if we either remove his devices or access to the internet. Last night he totally ripped a pair of adidas shorts and an adidas top which are ruined. Last week he ruined to pairs of Calvin Klein boxer shorts, prior to that he has ripped school trousers, and other t-shirts. I'm at my wits end and don't know how to get him out of this cycle of behaviour !! It's impacting massively on the family, especially my daughter who is continually on edge.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated...
Hello
I can completely sympathise and understand your sheer desperation. I have a15 year old son whom is currently at home on a permanent exclusion from school because of a meltdown! I had a very long road too with a diagnosis the system completely failed and still is failing my son. I could go on about this but I won't. My advice to you is get help and support now. Don't let anyone put barriers up as to why you shouldn't and can't receive support for your son. It can feel like a battle to get the help and support he is entitled to but please do battle for him because you have to. Honestly I completely understand how you feel regarding the meltdowns. I have 2 other children at home and it is frightening. We have had to call police as we have been so frightened and this is an awful situation for any family let alone a family with a child who has additional needs.
All the very best of luck and I'm not sure if we are allowed to but if you ever wanted to email me you could as it could help you just having someone who knows what it is truly like to chat with.
Nic
Thanks @nicw3... Through CAMHS we are currently seeing a Family Therapist who is helping in some ways, trying to get my son to express himself verbally in our Family sessions, rather than expressing himself through actions (throwing things etc). Like you on one occasion I called the police. I didn't really want to but all the people we had seen at CAMHS kept telling us that if things kept escalating i.e. damaging things to call the police. The police came quite quickly but I don't think it had any impact... he was just like a rabbit in headlights. Afterwards whenever he was being difficult he just kept saying "I suppose you are going to call them every time". My daughter gets frightened at times, although there are occasions when she can calm him down. It was difficult last year when she had her mock GCSE's and then her final exams as she was on 'edge' all the time in case it all 'kicked off' with him shouting etc. At times it was very difficult for her to revise. Next year she has her A levels at the same time as he has his GCSE's, but I may need to make arrangements for her to be somewhere else to revise at times as it's unfair when she is desperately trying to concentrate. I'm encouraging her to move away to Uni so that she can finally have some space to herself. Initially she said she didn't want to as she didn't want to have to leave with me to deal with it all, but I explained to her how it's important for her to enjoy herself and have some time for herself.