Published on 12, July, 2020
My son has recently been diagnosed. He managed to cope with life throughout his school years but when he left home to go to university he became very anxious and depressed. Despite this, he graduated last year after 3 lonely and unhappy years. It broke my heart to see him so isolated but although I tried to persuade him to drop out of uni and come home, he insisted on finishing the course.
Since last summer, he has had one temp office job which didn’t work out as they weren’t aware of his autism and he was unable to work to the standard that they were expecting. They liked him but in the end they suggested that he might want to resign rather than wait and be fired. Since then he has been unemployed. I found a local community arts centre for mental health and they have taken him on as a volunteer but this is only on one half day a week. They also arranged for him to do a short course at evening class on teaching skills as he is a talented musician.
Most of the time he spends in his room on his laptop. It is 11:30am and as usual he is in bed. He has no motivation to help me or his dad and has regressed into the role of a child with us running around after him. I am finding this very stressful as his older sister is disabled and is also unemployed although she is trying her very best to get a job.
I have put him in touch with the local autism centre but he doesn’t want to meet other people with autism. He is extremely intelligent and knowledgeable about a number of subjects. I am very concerned that he is so unhappy and anxious. He says he wants a job, a girlfriend and just to be ‘normal’. I have found a psychotherapist who specialises in Aspergers and I am paying for private sessions as my son says that she ‘gets him’. In the meantime I am unable to turn to friends or relations (with the exception of his dad) for support as he has told me not to tell anyone.
I don’t know how to help him. Are there any parents in a similar situation or that have had to cope with this sort of issue? To be honest all this is starting to affect my mental health.
Hey, my son is 22, diagnosed with Asperger's at 15. He tried a few different work placements but just couldn't cope. he now runs his own business from home as a photographer and digital artist, with my support. its hard work supporting him all the time but I think he'd be in the same position as your son if I wasn't doing it and be in his room a lot of the time. its brought him out of him self and given him more confidence and a sense of worth. Because My son gets pip it opened up the door for working tax credits for him, so even though he earns very little the working tax credits help him do a few extra things. Im sorry you and your son are struggling at the moment. Im struggling at the moment with it all as well, I don't know about you but I could do with a break, on my own, with a good book and no phone! Here if you want to chat
BC x
Thankyou for your message. What sort of support do you give your son with his business? I am thinking about helping my son to set up as a private tutor but I don’t want to end up spending my life nagging him.
I know what you mean about a break alone. I have found myself fantasising about running away on occasion. But then I come back down to earth and realise that I couldn’t leave the people I love behind. So then I think about us all running away together and starting a new life maybe buying a smallholding and living the good life....or sailing around the world......but they wouldn’t agree to it.....so I guess I had better just keep calm and carry on
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