Hi I'm new !
my daughter is 9 she gets very upset and aggressive when she is around her sister . she doesn't want her sister to be in the same house as her she will often say her sister is noisy. she suffers with really sensitive ears and wears ear defenders a lot. she is very anxious too . any advice would be great !
That is almost identical to my house! My daughter is 8 and gets so angry with her sister (7) she attacks her calls her stupid repeatedly tells her she hates her.
We are currently working on recognising the good bits and bad bits they both wrote lists of what they like about each other and what they don't. They then chose one thing from each list to focus and work on ie praising each others good and trying not to do the bad
This has had mixed results some days it just pointing out the good helps others it is just ammunition!
We introduced safe space with strict rules that they stay separate at that time this has allowed some respite from the fighting
We are also doing alot of work with each of them separately the younger one explaing that her sister thinks differently to her and feels things in a different way so sometimes the nice hug you are trying to give is really upsetting for her, with the older one it's explaining that it hurts the younger ones feelings being rejected and that she is trying to play not understanding that it distresses you
We also introduced visual timetable giving each one alone time.
It is still very much a work in progress but we are seeing some improvements
Or have you tried simple social stories/pictures for her to show what her problems are with her sister? These can also be used to show different options to deal with things