Computer addict

Johnsmum said:

My son spends several hours every day on his computer, mostly playing games or music, though I have a suspicion he may have viewed porn as well. As he is a teenager, it's probably too late to start imposing a time limit on computer time (besides which, if he weren't on the computer, he would only be watching TV).

Do others think that too much computer time is not good for our kids? I would love him to be making friends but he never invites anyone home from school, and they don't invite him. If they did, of course, they would end up playing computer games together! But at least it would be social.

We have very good provision in our area for social activities for kids on the spectrum, but I get a feeling he doesn't want to go to something that is especially for kids like him.

Would love to hear others' thoughts on computers, socializing, etc, especially for older teenagers.

I think I'm in a perfect position to answer this for you.  I've always had my suspicions that my 9 year old is on the spectrum and he can spend an entire day engrossed in using his computer.  An adult Aspergers Diagnosed very close to me does exactly the same.  For some reason- possibly the focussed nature of online discussion/ interaction- those with Aspergers find they can freely socialise and engage at a deep level online.  Quite possibly, this is because they have a high level of control over the environment.  Monitor your router and check websites visited that end- it's less intrusive.  I for one find I can get far more information down online than I ever would in a face to face discussion.  

Johnsmum said:

My son spends several hours every day on his computer, mostly playing games or music, though I have a suspicion he may have viewed porn as well. As he is a teenager, it's probably too late to start imposing a time limit on computer time (besides which, if he weren't on the computer, he would only be watching TV).

Do others think that too much computer time is not good for our kids? I would love him to be making friends but he never invites anyone home from school, and they don't invite him. If they did, of course, they would end up playing computer games together! But at least it would be social.

We have very good provision in our area for social activities for kids on the spectrum, but I get a feeling he doesn't want to go to something that is especially for kids like him.

Would love to hear others' thoughts on computers, socializing, etc, especially for older teenagers.

Hi,

My name is Laura and I am BA Graduate who is currently in the process of being assessed for Aspergers Syndrome. (I didn't realised that I had symptoms, which took up to A4 sheets of paper, until I started studying Autism and Media Representation.)

What I have noticed in a lot of these comments is Blaming of technology, which was given to a nine-year-old. 

I have been playing video games since I was two years old (my grandmother was a gamer and my mother would let me play.) I literally spent my years as a teenager playing games, spending time on my computer and doing graphic design.  Understand the world from your childs perspective. Some of you said you would rather have them be outside making friends. Do you have any idea how difficult it is for us to make friends and keep those friendships? Not to mention how noisy and painful outdoor noise and lights can be at times? While also having to deal with the added pressure of social cues and other humans generally being around?  

I am sure you are aware that it isn't easy. It is stressful and exhausting. When I was younger and even now, sometimes people give me funny looks or fail to understand what I am trying to say to them. Which is frustrating. I also always find myself sitting in my room, on my own in darkness because even the smallest amount of communication with another human tires me out. Sometimes my mum has found me in my bed asleep or watching a film. 

When playing video games or spending time on the computer. I can actually make friends without having to talk, I'm the same with animals too. Sometimes my friends and I will be in discord and I will have only said two sentences, other times I talk more. However, a lot of the time I like to be on my own as I personally find dealing with classmates during the day exhausting. 

When I was a teen, I was bullied for being different, so I stayed in a lot as I didn't like the local kids (which mostly consisted of thugs and drug addicts.) Where as I wanted to stay indoors, in complete darkness, play video games, listen to music and create cool designs. My mum was also relieved as she would know where I was and knew I was safe and out of troubles way.

It literally did me no harm, I'm now in my final semester in University studying Television Production, I can create animations, do graphic design and I am using my Sound sensitivity (in a positive light)  to become a Sound Engineer. I have also just landed my third job as a Staff Writer for a Video Games Magazine and I am a presenter (yes, presenter) on a Gaming Podcast (which has had well-established guests on it.)

While you might see your son sitting on his computer, playing games and wasting time. To him he is probably: Blocking out unwanted audio signals, Completing various puzzles and tasks and is finally able to escape such a hectic world and is able to relax.

I do apologise for the long message. I just find it annoying when parents complain about their child's gaming habits. As long as he is completing his homework, Showering, eating and drinking then I really don't see a problem. 

BlackHatMentor said:

Ok, this is where problems occur.

Do NOT stop them from being on the computer.

I was identical to that, and am currently studying Computer Science at top of my class.

Due to being on the computer so much I didn't drink much, I didn't turn to "legal drugs" and I didn't commit acts of vandalism with my freinds.

And need for social interaction? They fulfill this at school, try letting them relax a bit, for all you know they might become the next Steve Jobs or the next Alan Turing.

 

As a side note, I think you would preffer they saw porn than have a girl's dad coming to your door about your son getting his daughter pregnant.

Hi BlackHat, I forgot about this thread and have just discovered your contribution. Despite what others said, I was greatly cheered by what you said from the point of view of someone in the same situation. He may indeed be the next Steve Jobs! (or perhaps more pertinently Bill Gates, as BG is reputed to have AS, but I just hope he sells better software).

Atually it has got worse recently, as he dropped out of 6th form before Christmas and is not going back  till September (to a different school, in an autism-specific unit, hurrah!). He is supposed to be doing voluntary work in between but the only way we can get him to go to it is to pay him for going!

He is spending all day on the PC or the Wii, and then reporting a lot of headaches. We got his eyes tested but he does not need glasses. The CAMHS doctor has written him a timetable in which he goes to a voluntary job each day and doesn't touch anything electronic till 4.00 pm, but he just ignores it, and as I am at home but generally working (as a freelance writer) I don't get round to stopping him. He doesn't get dressed at all some days. I know I have to start implementing the timetable but it is so difficult, especially with a grouchy teenager.

PS Just wanted to add that he has joined a group that goes to a games workshop at a game playing centre and shop every Saturday, and this does provide some social interaction in the context of computer games, although most of the children there are younger than him.

Thanks Longman for your reply and for calming this discussion down a bit. Unfortunately, though, we have felt it necessary to delete the previous comment.
We want to ensure that the community is a welcoming place where people can air their views and ask questions without being insulted. Of course we encourage exchanging views and are happy for debate to happen, providing users involved respect the views of others. We would like to remind users that it is fine to ask more about other people's ideas and to express your own differing ideas, however we cannot allow users to be offensive or insulting.
If anyone has any concerns or suggestions about the process of approval and publishing of posts then please feel free to discuss that in the "Problems and Suggestions" section.
Of course people will have different views about what is and is not acceptable in terms of amount of computer use and the positives and negatives, and I look forward to hearing more about how other users view and deal with this.
Thanks everyone.

Sandra

At the risk of becoming pain of the week, having butted in on too many threads this weekend, I feel the need to say something here.

Are you suggesting peer review of contributions BlackHatMentor? Some discussion websites have moderator approval which delays misguided contributions going on before they are checked. If there was an approval system here I can think of a response immediately that could have been edited.

But I definitely don't want to see responses restricted in any way, not least because those of us on the spectrum need to give vent to feelings occasionally, and this is proving a good place for doing it.

SarahR was making a rational point, which perhaps chides me a bit too for going on about the social side being less of an issue as special interests are usually a safe zone. Mothers are bound to be concerned.

I still think special interests are a fundamental issue, even if they appear adverse such as too much time on computer games. The painful side of autism means a safe space is a safe space because it is familiar and comforting and healing. But it should be a parent's right to make sure that the comfort zone really is safe.

Hope I've been able to cool this hot thread down a bit. If not my apologies for butting in.

BlackHatMentor said:

Ok, this is where problems occur.

Do NOT stop them from being on the computer.

I was identical to that, and am currently studying Computer Science at top of my class.

Due to being on the computer so much I didn't drink much, I didn't turn to "legal drugs" and I didn't commit acts of vandalism with my freinds.

And need for social interaction? They fulfill this at school, try letting them relax a bit, for all you know they might become the next Steve Jobs or the next Alan Turing.

 

As a side note, I think you would preffer they saw porn than have a girl's dad coming to your door about your son getting his daughter pregnant.

while i understand what point you're trying to make, would your advice be the same if he wanted to keep banging his head against a wall?

what his mother is asking is for advice in order to get a healthy balance. even if my son wasn't autistic i would worry about him spending too much time on a computer/watching tv. also, as a mother i can understand what she is trying to say about her son watching porn - it's not the fact he's interested in sex - after all he's a 'normal teenager' in that respect...more the worry that he will view it in the wrong context and be mis-informed about what it's all about.

thankfully i didn't spend too much time on my computer when i was younger, and also managed to stay away from drugs etc - as many in society do.

the only thing i could suggest is perhaps talking to him, asking him to suggest a timetable that you could both agree on, and see how it goes perhaps?

take care :)

I get the feeling too much time on the computer is not exclusively an asperger thing. However I appreciate the concern and have encountered students on the spectrum who seem too engrossed in the computer world.  My first computer was a ZX spectrum and I was in my thirties by then, and had previous only worked with punched cards. There were still things to get obsessed with and plenty of scope for a fantasy world.

There is a danger I agree - loss of touch with reality. However this social interaction thingy - it doesn't go away. I can lecture, counsell and tutor, attend numerous committees, hold my own in public events. I learned to do it over many years, by necessity. I still go home alone, find it very difficult to socially interact, in any context away from the formalised setting.

I don't think it was because I lived in a fantasy world when younger, or its computer driven equvalent today. The social interaction bit is fundemental to aspergers. The important thing is for young people to learn to interface effectively in formal situations, in order to hold down a job and engage in the formal transactions of living in society.

I wish people would get the social interaction thing into perspective. Undoubtedly some people on the spectrum crave it, others don't seem to miss it. But its part of the aspergers. Nothing to do with spending hours on computer games. Being happy and content.

Don't spoil it.

Ok, this is where problems occur.

Do NOT stop them from being on the computer.

I was identical to that, and am currently studying Computer Science at top of my class.

Due to being on the computer so much I didn't drink much, I didn't turn to "legal drugs" and I didn't commit acts of vandalism with my freinds.

And need for social interaction? They fulfill this at school, try letting them relax a bit, for all you know they might become the next Steve Jobs or the next Alan Turing.

As a side note, I think you would preffer they saw porn than have a girl's dad coming to your door about your son getting his daughter pregnant.

I think my son is sometimes playing games against online opponents, but I feel this hardly counts as social interaction. I would love him to be active on a forum for young people with Asperger's, but I don't think there is much hope of this as he doesn't even go on Facebook even though he is registered on it.

He has agreed to go to a local youth club for kids on the spectrum tomorrow for their Christmas party, which is a big plus as most of the kids there are younger than him and he hasn't been for a couple of years. There is at least one older kid there whom he knows, and who is now acting as a helper at the club, so maybe he will catch on to that idea. He is very good with younger kids and has a friend 5 years younger, also with Asperger's with whom he mostly gets on fine (but this other kid is also a computer addict of course!).

Hi There,

My son is also just coming up to 9 and I can see the signs that he could well become a computer addict if allowed too.. He is losing interest in previous hobbies, eg drama and singing - I guess as he becomes more aware of his limitations and less confident... We are trying to encourage him to do other stuff but he says he just wants to stay at home with mum and dad. We tried a local sports activity group for disabled kids but he refuses to go, we think because he doesn't want to be linked with other people with disabilities.

At least with computers he can be left on his own whereas with most other things he needs constant support and supervision.

Hi everyone.

Computer games are becoming a big problem here to !

My son is 9 and wants to be playing all the time. There are tantrums and tears when it comes to turning it off and I know it will be a major issue over the xmas hols.

 I do limit the time everyday though because I find that if I dont it gets to the point where he becomes totally immersed and cant even hold a conversation thats not about Mario or shooting down aliens. Sometimes I say that he cant go on the computer but I give him some options of other things to do. This seems to work because he has something to fill the time and he is less anxious about it. Its a struggle to get him to agree but usually we end up doing something together and he comes out of himself a little.

That said it does give my son something to discuss with the other boys at school and helps him to feel included in the playground. He really struggles with that environment and its been usefull in that respect.He can also invite others to play the computer and cope with someone visiting which was not possible before.

I'm planning an activity and some social contact everyday over xmas so that he doesnt drift upstairs to the computer all the time and although he is getting an xbox (like most of the boys at school) I am going to insist it stays downstairs so he is around with us. I might even join in !!

xxx

Hi my son is 16 and spends hours on his computer - mainly games but some forums etc.  I do worry that he spends too much time on the computer but I choose my battles.  I think that as long as he attends (and participates in) school, eats regularly, showers etc.  I let him manage his own personal time.  Every now and then he volunteers that he has back ache or his eyes are tired so I talk to him about the consequences of too much computer time, suggest something else, but then leave him to decide whether to go back on or do something else.  

I'm not recommending this as a perfect approach - I feel guilty that I'm not more pro active in 'getting him out there' but over-all this works for me.

My son is younger (9) and we do limit his time on the computer but he'd happily play games on it for as long as allowed.  In his case most of the games he plays are solo ones but some are games others in his class at school also play so he has something to talk about with them.

He also has a DSi XL which we got him for his birthday.  As his cousins also have DSi's this has given him something else to talk about with them although again I sometimes worry he spends too much time on it :)

It is difficult to know where the balance lies.

Hi Johnsmum,

Not sure if it'll help for people who might respond, but does your son spend time playing games by himself or interacting with other people online?

Wonder if it seems more positive if he's interacting with other young people through games rather than possibily isolating himself?