8 year old son not understanding that I’m the parent

This sounds like me as a child. I am only just, now, at 52 years old, recognising my parents as parents. I don't call them mum and dad and I never even spoke to my dad until I was 16, because I knew who my father was (God, and I'd never been to church and neither did my family talk about god!). I wouldn't even do what teachers told me to do. I thought it was outrageous that these people even thought they could tell me what to do. I thought it was insane and they thought I was insane. It was such a confusing time for me and like your son, I couldn't understand why my parents were trying to take responsibility of me when they weren't even taking responsibility for themselves. With the toys thing, in my eyes, if you wanted the toys picking up, I would see that as your responsibility because it is something that clearly you want, so in my mind, I would think, why don't you do it? It just seems like a ridiculous thing to me, to tell somebody else to do something that you want doing. 

One of my support workers noticed in me that I have never been parented, and she's right, I haven't, nobody could parent me. And it's not because I was a wild child or anything, it's just that I genuinely didn't understand people or why they were trying to tell me what to do. I used to ask them to explain things to me but they wouldn't or couldn't. It's the same today, for example, sometimes on here, I ask a question, and people get all angry with me like I'm being sarcastic or something ~ I rarely even recognise sarcasm so I wouldn't be able to do it myself. My brain simply sees things in a different way to most people so I frequently don't understand people and visa versa only people tend to get annoyed with me when I don't understand. 

And I scare everyone, even to this day, but I don't mean to and I thought my diagnosis would help my family understand why, and slowly, they are realising why. My brother is a year older than me and used to be a semi professional boxer but I would even lash out and fight him. I'm only small and of slight build but I would fight anybody, not because I like fighting, because I don't, but when somebody attacks me, I don't ususally know why, so it's like I'm fighting for my life and I get all this strength from somewhere. 

You're not going to be able to treat your son like you would most kids. He needs explanations that he can understand otherwise he won't change his behaviour because to him, he's not doing anything wrong. I was in my 30's I think it was, when my dad figured out that to stop me freaking out, he just had to ignore me ~ it was like a miracle moment, I can still see it now. We were putting my Christmas tree up. 

I still don't accept any authority over me other than god, but because god is my authority, it's not like I'm living a life where I'm bad to people and need authority. My support worker says I get away with it because I'm so charismatic and charming and my passion for life pervades all the area where I am. She says it's infectious, and no matter what she's thinking about me, she says she can't help but simply look at the positives and all that's good and as a consequence, what she was thinking, fades into the background and she somehow forgets that she was thinking I was acting like a spoilt brat or whatever she was thinking. She says she feels so joyful in my company that all normal ways of thinking go out the window and for days afterwards, she sees nothing but the good in the world. So she said she can easily see how I got away with so much when I was a kid and as an adult. It was a revelation to me, what she was saying because I was so used to people saying I was bad and wrong etc, it was a very weird experience, I wrote about it on here. Even to this day, I love all people equally and unconditionally so I was constantly surprised when people would interpret my behaviour as the opposite of how I am. I get hated on because I don't love my son, for example, any more than some random stranger I've never met at the other side of the world, which confuses the hell out of me but when I ask questions about it, in all sincerity, people think I'm being awkward or something and I never get to understand what they mean. 

Some of us interpret/experience the world differently. I don't know how to love one person and not love another or like one person and not another. And that's probably why I don't accept any authority over me because to me, we're all equal. I never told my son what to do, it wouldn't occur to me to do that because my brain doesn't work that way and it sounds like your son has a similar mind to mine. 

I learn better through simple pictures and little stories or diagrams and for me to be able to voice how I understand it so I can be corrected if I'm wrong and then I can try again. For example, you might show him, through a creative story, why you would like toys put away when they're not being used, show him the benefits and how happy it would make you if he would help to keep it that way and show him how he will benefit, for example, he will always know where his toys are etc etc.

You may need to get some help with this, for several reasons, not least because you already have your hands full but also because the worker or other person can work with your son in helping him to understand what your role as a parent is. Nobody explained that to me and it might seem incredible to some people, who understand automatically what a parent is, but I never understood it. I'm only just realising why I have to eat and I've been studying food and health for 30 years, since I had my son, but I applied it mostly to him because I never had that connection with my own body. So as a kid, trying to get me to eat, was to me, like trying to poison me. Far from thinking these people are my parents, I thought they were trying to kill me. I hated food and still do to a large degree. I'm training to be a breatharian so I don't have to eat or drink, unless I want to. 

We have different minds that need different explanations and often around things that most people think are totally obvious, such as, why do I need to eat? 

This sounds like me as a child. I am only just, now, at 52 years old, recognising my parents as parents. I don't call them mum and dad and I never even spoke to my dad until I was 16, because I knew who my father was (God, and I'd never been to church and neither did my family talk about god!). I wouldn't even do what teachers told me to do. I thought it was outrageous that these people even thought they could tell me what to do. I thought it was insane and they thought I was insane. It was such a confusing time for me and like your son, I couldn't understand why my parents were trying to take responsibility of me when they weren't even taking responsibility for themselves. With the toys thing, in my eyes, if you wanted the toys picking up, I would see that as your responsibility because it is something that clearly you want, so in my mind, I would think, why don't you do it? It just seems like a ridiculous thing to me, to tell somebody else to do something that you want doing. 

One of my support workers noticed in me that I have never been parented, and she's right, I haven't, nobody could parent me. And it's not because I was a wild child or anything, it's just that I genuinely didn't understand people or why they were trying to tell me what to do. I used to ask them to explain things to me but they wouldn't or couldn't. It's the same today, for example, sometimes on here, I ask a question, and people get all angry with me like I'm being sarcastic or something ~ I rarely even recognise sarcasm so I wouldn't be able to do it myself. My brain simply sees things in a different way to most people so I frequently don't understand people and visa versa only people tend to get annoyed with me when I don't understand. 

And I scare everyone, even to this day, but I don't mean to and I thought my diagnosis would help my family understand why, and slowly, they are realising why. My brother is a year older than me and used to be a semi professional boxer but I would even lash out and fight him. I'm only small and of slight build but I would fight anybody, not because I like fighting, because I don't, but when somebody attacks me, I don't ususally know why, so it's like I'm fighting for my life and I get all this strength from somewhere. 

You're not going to be able to treat your son like you would most kids. He needs explanations that he can understand otherwise he won't change his behaviour because to him, he's not doing anything wrong. I was in my 30's I think it was, when my dad figured out that to stop me freaking out, he just had to ignore me ~ it was like a miracle moment, I can still see it now. We were putting my Christmas tree up. 

I still don't accept any authority over me other than god, but because god is my authority, it's not like I'm living a life where I'm bad to people and need authority. My support worker says I get away with it because I'm so charismatic and charming and my passion for life pervades all the area where I am. She says it's infectious, and no matter what she's thinking about me, she says she can't help but simply look at the positives and all that's good and as a consequence, what she was thinking, fades into the background and she somehow forgets that she was thinking I was acting like a spoilt brat or whatever she was thinking. She says she feels so joyful in my company that all normal ways of thinking go out the window and for days afterwards, she sees nothing but the good in the world. So she said she can easily see how I got away with so much when I was a kid and as an adult. It was a revelation to me, what she was saying because I was so used to people saying I was bad and wrong etc, it was a very weird experience, I wrote about it on here. Even to this day, I love all people equally and unconditionally so I was constantly surprised when people would interpret my behaviour as the opposite of how I am. I get hated on because I don't love my son, for example, any more than some random stranger I've never met at the other side of the world, which confuses the hell out of me but when I ask questions about it, in all sincerity, people think I'm being awkward or something and I never get to understand what they mean. 

Some of us interpret/experience the world differently. I don't know how to love one person and not love another or like one person and not another. And that's probably why I don't accept any authority over me because to me, we're all equal. I never told my son what to do, it wouldn't occur to me to do that because my brain doesn't work that way and it sounds like your son has a similar mind to mine. 

I learn better through simple pictures and little stories or diagrams and for me to be able to voice how I understand it so I can be corrected if I'm wrong and then I can try again. For example, you might show him, through a creative story, why you would like toys put away when they're not being used, show him the benefits and how happy it would make you if he would help to keep it that way and show him how he will benefit, for example, he will always know where his toys are etc etc.

You may need to get some help with this, for several reasons, not least because you already have your hands full but also because the worker or other person can work with your son in helping him to understand what your role as a parent is. Nobody explained that to me and it might seem incredible to some people, who understand automatically what a parent is, but I never understood it. I'm only just realising why I have to eat and I've been studying food and health for 30 years, since I had my son, but I applied it mostly to him because I never had that connection with my own body. So as a kid, trying to get me to eat, was to me, like trying to poison me. Far from thinking these people are my parents, I thought they were trying to kill me. I hated food and still do to a large degree. I'm training to be a breatharian so I don't have to eat or drink, unless I want to. 

We have different minds that need different explanations and often around things that most people think are totally obvious, such as, why do I need to eat? 

NAS39248 I completely sympathise with you, we sound like we are in very similar situations. 

BlueRay, you have completely opened my eyes!! Thank you. It has never occurred to me from your point/my sons point of view, it has been a very educational experience reading your replies. This is why I came on here. 

Although I know a little about the spectrum as I also work with children, I never realised that his/your brain would even not understand commands or asks. It now makes a lot more sense to me and I will strive to improve my communication and understanding of my little boy . Thank you