Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello:
I've been in another forum trying to help my ASD hubby make connections in a last ditch effort to save myself & my family. It's last ditch after 26 years of marriage, struggling w/cancer & two special needs young adult daughters. I am however, tenacious & my hope is that hubby will accept the support & suggestions of those in the ASD forum to enable our family to survive. I've been alone for all of those 26 years & need the voices of others w/experience of long term relationships w/a highly ASD affected other half. There is no forum for NT spouses so I've come here. Will those of you in similar positions please introduce yourselves, perhaps just to share your struggle, perhaps to share how you survive day after day?
TenaciousT said:I've been in another forum trying to help my ASD hubby make connections in a last ditch effort to save myself & my family. It's last ditch after 26 years of marriage
Hello TenaciousT what is it that you are hoping to happen to your husband to save your marriage?
More like survive in less pain & with less damage rather than save a marriage. It's not & never has been a marriage. I'm hoping that in interacting w/others on the spectrum he may finally actually accept his diagnosis 1st. He's been diagnosed twice - 10 & again 6 yrs ago. I hope that may motivate him to follow some actions & keep some standards to make daily life safer & more liveable. For example - our profoundly special needs child needs a routine to follow. Wake up, eat, meds, activity, lunch, meds, activity, etc....Hubby will not follow any routine & I am too ill to continue myself. Food is served - or was - 3x a day w/snacks & liquids between for the children & me. I'm too ill. Hubby will not do this as he eats minimally & infrequently. So should we apparently, even tho my dietary needs have increased as the cancer progresses. Just an example, but a potent one. And Hubby "works" from home so it's no time stretch. That's the kind of thing I hope, in the company of others w/ASD who have chosen to find ways to meet needs of NT partners, hubby will choose. So far, Hubby says he's gotten some such advice in the forum & that he is following it. I haven't noticed any changes, except one night he said, "thank you for staying married to me." I'm afraid it fell rather flat.
Has he changed or has he always been like this?
There have been slight changes over the years. He used to be very verbally aggressive & routinely made fun of people. This has diminished & he no longer directly targets me this way. See the long article I posted above (sorry - should have copied the link instead). Hubby really hasn't changed - my capacity to be made non-existent has.