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Consequences for 12 year old with ASC

KateB
over 5 years ago

Hi. Normally my high-functioning 12 year old is good at staying near us when we are out and about. If he's stressed he'll take himself off but not far, so we can still see him. Today we were in a town he doesn't know well, along with his younger brother  who has ASC too, when he had a melt down. At first it looked like he might physically lash out at me but instead snatched my bag and walked off. I assumed he wouldn't have gone far and couldn't leave my other son anyway. However this wasn't the case. To cut a long story short, I eventually found him hiding behind my car about a mile away from where we'd been. How he managed that I don't know as his sense of direction is rubbish.Wink Dad and me have agreed he needs consequences, especially as this will affect our trust in him. We can't decide on what those consequences should be but want them to relate to the issue. Does anyone have any good ideas?

Parents
  • over 5 years ago

    I agree with Dragoncat, the thing about meltdowns is that you really have zero control over what you're doing as you experience them. It's like you're just observing your body being controlled by a terrifyingly reckless and aggressive autopilot; it's actually quite an unnerving experience. Then you get control back but your batteries are completely drained and you are very aware that you are about to deal with the consequences of what your body did on its own.

    I definitely understand that what your son did was very dangerous and must have scared you both dreadfully. 
    I do think, however, that the most productive approach is to work out what his triggers are (is it when it's crowded, noisy? Is it when the schedule- or what he thinks is the schedule- suddenly changes?) and work out a strategy together to avoid them as much as possible and have an emergency plan in place.
    Consequences won't help- he will know full well he's done something he shouldn't, albeit when he wasn't in control.

    Perhaps if/when he walks off again, now you know he has the potential to go far, would be for one of you to just follow at a distance (and make him aware beforehand that you won't try to interact with him, just be close enough to keep him in sight).

Reply
  • over 5 years ago

    I agree with Dragoncat, the thing about meltdowns is that you really have zero control over what you're doing as you experience them. It's like you're just observing your body being controlled by a terrifyingly reckless and aggressive autopilot; it's actually quite an unnerving experience. Then you get control back but your batteries are completely drained and you are very aware that you are about to deal with the consequences of what your body did on its own.

    I definitely understand that what your son did was very dangerous and must have scared you both dreadfully. 
    I do think, however, that the most productive approach is to work out what his triggers are (is it when it's crowded, noisy? Is it when the schedule- or what he thinks is the schedule- suddenly changes?) and work out a strategy together to avoid them as much as possible and have an emergency plan in place.
    Consequences won't help- he will know full well he's done something he shouldn't, albeit when he wasn't in control.

    Perhaps if/when he walks off again, now you know he has the potential to go far, would be for one of you to just follow at a distance (and make him aware beforehand that you won't try to interact with him, just be close enough to keep him in sight).

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