Published on 12, July, 2020
i have a 13 year old daughter who was an avid fiction reader and loved to create follow on stories in her head and sometimes typed out on websites etc. A few months ago she started to become very distressed as her head is now “full” and the stories are stuck and she can’t get them out. She transformed from an active child who was involved in a choir, school plays etc to a depressed, anxious child who no longer feels safe in her own body. Her resilience has gone and from a child who never cried, I have a teenage who cannot stop crying. She no longer wants to do anything. She says she feels a failure and doesn’t deserve to be here. She couldn’t sit her Year 8 exams, she just saw the questions that she couldn’t answer and then could answer nothing. She struggles to sleep. She struggles to concentrate. When she opens up about how she feels, she hates doing it and if I suggest anything, it’s wrong and makes her feel worse. We went to see the GP months ago and are on a waiting list for CAMHs support but there is no date or further support forthcoming. School SENCO says she seems ok when they see her and make me feel like I am making up some vivid story about my daughter. They don’t see the hours at night when I hold my daughter in my arms reassuring her that she should be on this planet and the anxious conversations through locked bathroom doors and the frantic text message communications when she won’t tell me where she is but just sends me messages worded “Help” or “I am not safe”. The triage nurse tells me there is no NHS support unless she actually self harms. I feel these stories in her head are the key and I want to help her to manage them. She gets hysterical if I mention trying to get rid of them altogether. Does anyone have any experience in having a child with a brain so full of stories that they can no longer manage?
Thanks .... this is really useful. I will definitely look into CBT and we plan to be away quite a bit in the summer as I agree, I think this will help.
Wow, that sounds quite a bit like me at that age.The "perfect at school, breaks down completely at home" thing is very very normal in AS, especially in girls. At school there is all the social pressure and threat of consequences from peers if she behaves unusually. Home's the safe space where all the tension of 'faking it' throughout the day can be released.
She sounds like she has very bad anxiety and I wonder if this is stemming from school. It's very common for autistic teenagers (again, especially girls) to fall apart as soon as adolescence hits and the social landscape becomes much more complex and hard to navigate- doesn't help that this happens at the same time as the academic workload also increases massively, not to mention hormones kicking in.I wonder if CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) could help- there are places you can do a bit yourself online (so no waiting lists!)- the one I found a lot of success with personally is called MoodGym. My brother also has CBT for anxiety (though he isn't autistic) from a professional and is finding it incredibly helpful- worth putting a bit of pressure on your GP for.
Re. the stories, it is more common than one would be led to believe for autistic children to have a massive amount of imagination. It is a common strategy of children on the spectrum to 'escape' into imagination to defend oneself from the pressures of real life. I'm not surprised, therefore, that she gets hysterical at the thought of their destruction.
I always found writing/drawing very relaxing- I used to come up with full maps, bestiaries, languages and cultures of imaginary worlds when I was growing up (I still do when the mood takes me, but that's not as often now my creativity is bent towards more 'adult' pursuits- work and DIY). Does she have a secure, quiet place to do this uninterrupted if she wants to? Also have you thought about taking her somewhere quiet and away from the stresses of everyday life (e.g. on a holiday somewhere off the beaten track) now the summer holidays are upon us, if she agrees? I used to do a lot of my best creative work on holiday in very rural parts of Wales. :P Still my favourite place in the world. Perhaps a change of scene might help her to express these stories that have become stuck?