Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello there, I desperately would like your opinion on wether we should keep my daughter in a mainstream school or move to a specialist school [Edited by moderator]. Any advice and opinions will be greatly appreciated. There are 3 options to consider. 1) Continue on in to the feeder mainstream with her friends, 2 of which she’s very close to. They’d be a good handover/transition programme. It’s local and we have a group of mums that meet regularly (good for play dates for her etc) 2) An independent specialist speech and language school (an hours commute in rush hour) but excellent provision. Very small class sizes and continues till age 16. Although there would be only one girl in her class and few in the whole school. 3) A private school who accept and have some experience of ASD (LEA have alluded that they’d fund as cheaper than specialist). Which will be smaller class sizes and still amongst typically developing peers. My issue is that I feel the specialist school [Edited by moderator] will effect her social development negatively, as there will be no typically developing peers and she learns so much from them. The friends she chooses are always the most outgoing/ intelligent ones and she’s only interested in girls! The specialist school has a few girls, but is vastly populated by boys. I’m also not sure she’ll fit in there, but I think I may in denial about how much her ASD effects her (she’s amazing at masking and is very socially appropriate). She’s a very vibrant girl who her school as described as very socially motivated. She’s clever (scored high on non-verbal reasoning assessment, but very behind academically which is effecting her confidence. (She received an EHCP and 1:1 support about 9 months ago). She presents with poor attention/focus, a significant language disorder (although only specialists would/have picked it up, as she compensates using context and clues). She has some sensory needs, but they’re not very significant. She completed a trial at Blossom House and enjoyed it, although she said that some of the children worried her as she thought they "had something wrong with their brain". She also said, some of them made loud noises all of a sudden and she "wanted to try and stay away from them" I explained to her that there wasn't something "wrong" with them, but she said they still worried her. I never hear any success stories about ASD girls in mainstream, they’re all sad stories about mental health issues brought on by stress etc. She’s coping in mainstream now, but it’s a very small, nurturing infant school, I don’t know how well she’ll cope as she moves up in to keystage 3. I really don’t know what to do, but I so want to do right by her. Any help would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks in advance.
[Edited by Ayshe mod]
I was in mainstream and whilst I had a lot of the mental health problems and school was a generally stressful place to be I am now a happy and reasonably well-adjusted adult with a partner and a full time job.
I was also undiagnosed for most of my school life, due to the fact that the knowledge of asd in girls was in its infancy and, like your daughter, I was a very proficient masker. I feel that this is a large factor in why school was so difficult for me- there was no support and I knew I was different but had no idea why.
I do wonder if the reason you never feel like you hear any success stories is because of the lack of recognition and support for autistic girls until very recently (plus that those who did so well are often happily assimilated into the mainstream and thus quieter about their experiences than those of us who suffered).
It sounds like the mainstream school you are considering is capable, if there is a good transition process in place, and her friends would provide her with some support and consistency. What does your daughter want to do?
I would just go with her preference for now, making sure there is good communication between you and the school about her needs (whichever you both decide) and if she finds it too distressing or difficult as time goes by you can always switch later on. :)