Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi hoping someone has some advice. my son is 4 and my first baby so in all honesty I never really noticed anything unusual about his behaviour. It was brought to my attention when he was about 1 and a half that there may be something's I should mention to his health visitor. I passed on the childminders concerns mainly about his social interactions listening and speech and we got hearing tests and speech therapy etc I wasn't overly concerned as we took on board the advice by the speech therapist and his language developed. Since starting nursery I can see theres a lot of differences in him other children and the nursery/school have been great with helping him.
Hes so intelligent and conforms really well as the nursery say but I am finding it all abit daunting I am stil getting my head around the fact he processes things very differently and it's hard because my partner is like yeah I said that all along and people are now being honest about concerns that they had which Just makes me feel like a crap mum for not recognising behaviours I just seen them as quirks. Today was a bad day and I need some advice on implementing discipline and setting boundaries because at end of day he's still a 4year that won't listen to his mummy and is pushing the boundaries it's getting to a point I dread talking him out because he plays up and I don't really know how is best to deal with it because the traditional methods don't seem to work for very long.
You're NOT a crap Mum and they ARE his quirks, it's just that some of them MAY be caused by ASD. Others won't be though and anyway, either way, it's only when these quirks become a problem that they get labelled 'behaviours'. With your first child (any child actually) you were always going to be on a steep learning curve because no-one knows how to be a Mum until they're doing it. My youngest is 13 and I'm still learning how to be HER Mum because she's not the same as her sisters, each one is unique and I had to learn how to be a Mum differently each time.
You don't say what's happening with your son in your question about "implementing discipline and setting boundaries" except that he's not listening - which is pretty broad and applies to every child I've ever met! Could you give a few examples of the types of things you're concerned about? And which "traditional methods" you've tried, because that's a pretty broad term too (?).
When my three daughters were that age they certainly made the most of their individuality: one wouldn't speak to any adults, at all, even when she went to school and was such a fussy eater I'm surprised she grew at all! One used to have the most spectacularly embarrassing tantrums (usually in public, of course) and had a thing about running off in busy places. I was constantly terrified she was going to run onto the road but she just couldn't understand the danger and had no sense of fear. The other was one of those precocious kids who blurts out unfortunate truths to strangers and was just RUDE! She also had no sense of personal space or possessions which caused quite a few problems at that age, especially with her sisters.
All of them though, around the time they started school, suddenly decided that Mum knew nothing and they suddenly got a bit too big for their boots at that age. I think all children do. They suddenly have this new authority figure in their life, their Teacher, and we get demoted.
Thankyou yesterday was a hard day. he ran away from me and when I shouted him to stop he carried on and ran across the road it was busy because it was school time thankfully he was safe but it really scared me it's like he doesn't really understand that's dangerous. He will listen and follow instructions from certain people but not me I know this is a kid thing but it's especially hard when you can't tell if being naughty or a lack of understanding. I have tried naughty step the mum count the shout and he just thinks it's funny I am at my wits end. I get a lot of you need to be firmer with him but I have tried it's so frustrating. I just need some tips I was thinking maybe road safety books etc to see if it will help him understand.