Feeling so low with my son behaviour.

ny Son is 4 his behaviour is getting worse , he is so violent , esp nite time no sleeping at all he up and down all night , night terrors , screaming , meltdowns constant . We have been to cinema tonight and went to arcade and because it was time to leave he attacked my husband slapping across the face and scramming , I can’t even lift him or control him . 

I feel so low today then my husband was on phone to his mother yesterday and he mentioned we think he may be asd and she is saying she don’t think he is and she has read up he has none of the traits so my husband explained that what she has read could be completely different to what we have been experiencing as the scale is so large I feel like every one thinking I’m doing the wrong thing , as I’m making the appointments following it all through on my own is hard even though my husband fully supports me am I doing the right thing ? It makes me so sad down depressed I don’t know what to do any more I feel so unhappy . 

  • Hi Lu16,

    I can hear just how tired and sad you are feeling from your post; it is exhausting living with challenging behaviour (a real deep seated weariness which can make us feel extra vulnerable, powerless and lost) and can feel deeply saddening, deep down inside, when we begin to suspect our children may have ‘diagnosable’ difficulties or disability.

    From your post I am assuming you have already begun the process of seeking an ASD Diagnosis Assessment for your son.

    I think the most important thing right now is to pull in as much extra support from wherever you possibly can. I would suggest you contact your local ‘Sure Start’ Children’s Centre and see if they have any Parent Support Workers who may be able to suggest some strategies to help manage your sons sleep problems and challenging behaviours. I would also contact any local Autism charities in your area and similarly see if they have any Parent or Family Support Workers who can support you while you are going through the diagnosis process. Local Autism charities also often hold family or child activities or parent coffee mornings which will give you the much needed opportunity to talk to and befriend other parents who understand exactly what you are going through, including the diagnosis process itself.

    If you ring the NAS helpline they might be able to offer you support or strategies as to how to manage your sons behaviours too. 

    Try not to take what your mother-in-law said to heart, in my humble opinion people generally do really care, it’s just sometimes they are simply really crap at it (being caring/supportive.) And I can imagine just how vulnerable and uncertain you may be feeling right now, and how much her words must have depressed and frustrated you, but you know your child better than anyone else does; please don’t be afraid and learn to deeply trust your parental intuition.

    What might be far more helpful (than her current ‘opinion’) would be if your mother-in-law could babysit for an agreed hour or two regularly every single week, same time, same day, to give you a regular break to rely on and look forward to during the rest of your week. Sometimes family need to be helped to understand and be told how they can help, rather than our waiting for them to offer, know or understand how to help.

    I think many of us parents on here have experienced what you are currently going through; feeling uncertain and helpless as to how to best help our child, feeling judged and blamed by others (at times professionals and/or family) and at a loss as to what might be the right thing to do for the best for our child/ren. This is why it’s really important to pull in as much ‘external’ support as you possibly can, preferably people who are sympathetic and understanding of what you are currently going through. And it is equally important for you to go out of your way to be as kind to yourself as you possibly can too.

    And yes, I personally think you are doing the right thing to seek a diagnosis assessment. Remember, going through the ASD diagnosis process will not make your son ASD if he is not. You are not, therefore, responsible for the outcome of his diagnosis; I am sure your intentions are exactly the same as every other loving parent who has had to initiate a diagnosis assessment for their child too; we all simply want to know (and need to know) if ASD is underpinning our child’s difficulties (or not) in order to know how best to help them. What parent could or can do more than that?

    Warmest hug.