Published on 12, July, 2020
Its getting worse. Today hes smashed in the wall by throwing a huge computer chair at it. Hes smashed the wardrobe door off the hinges.
We've tried and tried, but any attempt to even speak to him results in literally going from 0 - 1000 in a second. Hes shouts screams and punches the walls.
Today he went for my wife. Next step is going to be the police. We've been here before a month or so ago - took him to A&E out of desperation - they did nothing. All the useless tossers at CAMHS have done is tell us its bad parenting and to ring the police.
Hes 14 a big lad. As I've said before, hes got OCD and possible Aspergers. We've tried it all but he just does what he wants. Hes told his mother he wishes she were dead quite a few times. Last week he told me he was going to ring social services and tell them I was hitting him so I'd get arrested. I just just see it all heading down the slope into oblivion at the moment and he doesnt see it, doesnt care, or doesnt register.
I can't go near him at the moment but hes just a danger at the moment at times - We're so on our own because there is no-one to help!
Prayers answered. CAMHS called this morning and it looks like they're FINALLY going to so something. Also, hes got psychiatrist appt booked for next week to probably up his meds.
Anyway CAMHS are now going to start CBT for his OCD and also start an aspergers assessment. Apparently that takes some time and involces multiple visits?
Been reading about PDA and also Conduct disorder (which is your son welshlass75?). To be honest, PDA sounds very much like him rather than conduct disorder.
Trouble is there are so many of these things.....
I'm sure we do it all wrong though. Its hard not to hold a grudge when he kicks off but I guess if its a mental thing. As I've said a million times. there is no support for parents at all. You feel helpless.
At what point do you punish a teenager and want point do you say "ok we'll see whats bothering you"? As I've always said, in an ideal world everyone has time to sit down and think etc but in the real world we've got jobs, other children etc. Its tough like yesterday to come home to find wife upset, son had pretty much threatened her and he'd thrown a heavy chair and smashed the wall in. Do we make him pay for the damage or let it go?
Great news about CAMHS and the psychiatrist appointment. You're doing a great job, I know I couldn't have handled a child like me, no way. And there are no hard or fast rules of how to approach matters but we need to learn about consequences like everybody else. I didn't really get taught them when I was at home, and I'm certainly not blaming any of my behaviour on my parents, far from it, they deserve a medal for sure for bringing me up, but it's taken me a long long time to learn about consequences, or maybe that's just part of my condition why it took ,e so long. Who knows! Lol! But I have finally got a better understanding now.
That's a perfectly understandable response so an extremely difficult situation. Try to think of how well you're doing and not how badly you think you are doing. For example, think of how well you do to manage compared to parents who have children who are not on the spectrum, who's children are more like little angels than even the most average child. And think of that. Most children, are 'average' so most parents have no idea what you and your wife and your family are going through on a daily basis. They have no idea. You're doing a tremendously good job. Think of all the times you did walk away. Think of that. Think of how well you did to override what feels like a natural impulse, to loose it with your son. Don't think about the times that you did lose it. It's game over when that happens. But for that moment, only. When that happens, it's time to look after yourself. Bring your blood pressure back down etc. It's no time for judgement. For neither you nor your son. You're not thinking straight at these times. Don't dwell on these times. They are tiny and insignificant when compared to the love and compassion you have for your boy. It's not easy to understand us (aspies) so please don't give yourself a hard time on our behalf because you think you're not getting it right. What's right? You're doing your best and that is all that anyone can do.
Well I dont think I;m doing that well. I find it so hard to NOT lose my rag with him. The number of times I've lost if with him - sometimes I have to walk away. Mrs is the same. We have to calm each other down at times when hes done something.