Published on 12, July, 2020
Its getting worse. Today hes smashed in the wall by throwing a huge computer chair at it. Hes smashed the wardrobe door off the hinges.
We've tried and tried, but any attempt to even speak to him results in literally going from 0 - 1000 in a second. Hes shouts screams and punches the walls.
Today he went for my wife. Next step is going to be the police. We've been here before a month or so ago - took him to A&E out of desperation - they did nothing. All the useless tossers at CAMHS have done is tell us its bad parenting and to ring the police.
Hes 14 a big lad. As I've said before, hes got OCD and possible Aspergers. We've tried it all but he just does what he wants. Hes told his mother he wishes she were dead quite a few times. Last week he told me he was going to ring social services and tell them I was hitting him so I'd get arrested. I just just see it all heading down the slope into oblivion at the moment and he doesnt see it, doesnt care, or doesnt register.
I can't go near him at the moment but hes just a danger at the moment at times - We're so on our own because there is no-one to help!
The thing is. You’re coming at this from the wrong angle. You see, he didn’t smash the wall in by throwing a huge computer chair at it. He didn’t smash the wardrobe door off its hinges. It may have looked like that, to you, in your world. But he’s not in your world. He’s in his. He didn’t smash the wall in. He tried desperately, in vain, to say, help me, please god help me. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I don’t like what’s happening to me. I didn’t mean to say I hate you. I don’t know why I said that. I don’t even know what it means. I’m all alone and I’m scared. Please. Please god will somebody help me.
He doesn’t see what you see. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. It doesn’t register in his mind like it does in yours. You’re right about that. We see the world differently. That means, that when he gets overwhelmed and completely confused, when he’s in pain, but has no idea why or what to do about it, he's not aware of his behaviour in the same way that you are. You see him as throwing a chair, breaking doors, not caring and not understanding. You got the last part right as well. We don’t understand. Not in the same way that you do. But we do care. We do love. But sometimes, we just cannot or do not know how to tell you or show you, and often, it comes out as precisely the opposite.
I don’t mean that how it might sound. You’re not doing anything wrong, you’re doing a great job, this is difficult for both sides. I was just trying to let you know what it’s like from his side. You could be my parents talking about me when I was a kid. And yes, I did end up in prison. The only thing that did for me was make me feel like I finally ‘fitted in’. In prison, we were all prisoners. Simple. Finally, I was the same as everybody else. I didn’t want to leave. I seriously did not want to leave.
Best wishes with it. Coming on here and talking about it might not always give you all the answers, but it helps. I hope that just writing about it has helped you to some degree.
Yeh I know you're right but its so hard. Especially when you have other people in the family to look after as well. And when you can see the harm that hes doing to himself. As you say its hard to understand.
Same when you help him so much - it still goes nowhere. And when you try to help and he lies, goes behind your back etc. And when people are trying to help and he just does not bother - I think thats the worse. Hes had exercises to do/things to try from counsellor and he just doesnt bother.
We do really need to get a handle on discipline though. Been reading about that today. About making house rules that are clear etc. and making sure he knows the consequences.
BTW - been looking at punch bags on amazon. lol. Good idea?
What about the damage hes caused so far? Should I make him responsible for what hes done (i.e. paying for new chair etc?)