Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello all, I am new here and looking for some suggestions as to how we support our recently diagnosed (Aspergers)8 year old son with a difficult situation at school. He has always struggled to maintain friendships and has been bullied by older children at his school for having a facial tic. In September he made a good friend with another boy in his class who was willing to be his buddy in the playground and at lunchtimes. Last week our son was taken to one side by his class teacher and told that he was no longer allowed to play with this boy or have him as a buddy/sit with him in class. No explanation was given and since then he has refused to go into his classroom and is experiencing bad meltdowns at home and is unable to sleep. When I asked the class teacher why the school had taken this decision he explained that the boy's parents had requested that their son be kept away and was to have no contact. The school will not tell me the reasons why (apparently they are confidential) and the whole school staff have been informed. Even the class teacher says that he has no justifiable concerns about the two boys being friends. Our son is distraught at the decision and feels he is being treated "worse than bullies" He is feeling anxious and embarrassed and is isolating himself away from his peers by working in the SENCo s office for most of the school day. The school will not back down on their decision and seem oblivious to the distress this is causing our son. Any advice on how we should handle the situation or help him move forwards would be gratefully received! He refused to go to school at the beginning of this year when he was being bullied and my biggest worry is that this will trigger another episode of school refusal. Many thanks Sarah
Wow.
I am not surprised at your son's reaction. This sort of thing could well have a huge impact on your son's mental health. I am not just talking about during his school days. If you doubt this, just take a peek into the adult threads on this community forum...
Could it be that this friend was also being bullied and ostracised because of his willingness to befriend someone who is "different"? Could it be that there is a perception that the friend's grades have slipped since September? Might the friend have been unwittingly isolating himself socially if he was spending the majority of his time with your son?
What did the school do about the bullying?
I can understand why schools today are so paranoid about confidentiality, but it would appear that someone hasn't really thought this one through, or there is some additional information somewhere which is missing.
i would probably start by meeting the head to ask what the hell is going on, because they really haven't given you much to work with, and the class teacher is fine with the two of them remaining buddies. Ask the head what (s)he suggests you do, given your son's reaction to what the school have enacted. Is it a case of "guilty until proven innocent, and we're not even going to tell you what the charges are"?
Could you try calling the NAS helpline and ask them if there is any route to getting some sort of "impact statement" from a medical professional who specialises in autism? Somethjng along the lines of, "school has done this, child has <<formal description of your son's condition>>. The short term consequences from observable behaviour are... as a professional, there is a very real risk that the long term consequences will be...
?
From what you've said about the state things have gotten to, you might have to look for another school that will take your son.
I really wish I could think of something better. My heart goes out to you and your family. Keep fighting this, for the sake of your son's future.