Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone
I dont really know why im writing this. I guess another perspective maybe. My son is 10 and recently diagnosed with aspergers. He has not been in school since sept. He has an older brother who has anxiety issues due to school transition (long story) and a younger brother. Since august really he just "broke...stopped working" apparantly hes been masking all these years. To cut all this shorter i now cant leave him unless my mum is here...even with his dad. I cant go shopping go out anything. He takes melatonin for bed but i still have to stay up with him then read him to sleep. I have no life ...i feel like everything has crashed. My husband and i get no time with each other at all. We are broke paying for private consultations etc. Maybe im just being over dramatic but i just dont feel like i can deal with all this anymore. The thought of just running away keeps poppin in my head. I want to just disappear. I no its daft...and i would never do anything to upset my boys but im so stressed out that i feel iv completly lost control. With the aspergers and pda its so hard to get him to do things and id just love a normal life. The things people take for granted like having the kids in bed so u can watch a movie together. Poppin out to the shops without a meltdown about how long you will be. Meeting up with friends for a night without having to arrange what time u can go...who will be at home that son agrees to...dictating a time to be home...checking your fone every 5 mins to make sure alls ok...im sorry if this sounds selfish. Since this all started iv lost myself. I was a good mum i had control i had a life. My sons where all happy content and outgoing. But we have hit this brick wall and im so confused. Will everything get better? Will he be happy again ? I guess being at the start of all this process im in the dark. Thanks for reading x
Dear NAS35627: You're writing cause you've hit the wall & hope somebody, anybody understands even a bit of it. Some people do you know & I suspect many of them are right here. I've been in the same place, including the housebound bit & Blue Ray is right - you're in no way being selfish. You do feel out of control. Simplistically the answer is always to find a way to have some control. Easier said than done I know. I have a late-diagnosed spouse with AS & a talent for obstruction, a teen daughter w/AS & a talent for chaos, a teen daughter w/profound, complex developmental & medical needs, no money & my own serious medical issues. I always feel better when I can grasp the tail of something & make it work. If you're up to trying today, maybe try to come up with one thing you can try to get a handle on & make better. Bedtime is a big one but it might work. Make a goal & write down all the little pieces that might help him reach it. Say - 15 minutes for book to lights out is the goal. Maybe trying the melatonin earlier, using a timer to go off every 10 minutes for 30 minutes giving your boy a heads up that bed time is coming, making a clear list for your boy of the times & steps to bedtime & help him follow it, choose the book to be read well before bedtime, provide warm milk w/a cinnamon stick as you read, set a timer in his room for 5 minute increments & let him know it's that much closer to lights out & you leaving - whatever you think might help with this one issue. Even writing ideas down is success at this point. No, it won't make things normal or as they were & significant positive changes in everybody may be a ways down the road, but it will give you a bit of control to make you feel less hopeless & helpless. I hope you can make that step & it helps. I think you'll find out just how strong & terrific a mum you are if you do. Best of luck.