Life

'Learned Helplessness' often stems from a desire of others to exercise some sort of control.

I remember two or three years ago there was a programme on the telly about former celebrities who were put into a care home.  They were allowed very little independent thought or control over their lives.  They quickly degerated into wanting everything done for them.

Yet when they were allowed some thinking and doing on their own initiative they immediately started to take more interest and suffered a lot less stress, and were more than capable of doing the things that the care home was doing for them.

I think we have a lot of busybodies who must control, who can't let people do things for themselves for any reason.  And who tend to think that once a condition has been diagnosed or an age has been reached, then independence is far too dangerous.

And this then engenders a feeling of helplessness.  And it is not their fault.

Peoples needs and strengths should be assessed properly.  But we live in a society where one size fits all, or one treatment suits everyone, or one disability is the same for everyone.  And all for the sake of simplification and cost cutting.

feel alot better today just talking about my problems and feeling like people are listening helps alot im going to have to something to make changes i think thats what got me down the fact ive made alot of changes in the last year then just stopped. also tried CBT before didnt work for me as the thinking postive part just felt wrong as stupid as that sounds but the goals work and i thinnk that is what i should focus on.

Thanks  

PGK, the number they give for services in Scotland is: 0141 221 8090.

Their e-mail is: scotland.services@nas.org.uk

thanks ill have to look it up later in more detail because it doesnt seem like there are any groups nearby im in morayshire scotland i think the closest would be inverness and thats a bit away

Have a look at this page, PGK:

www.autism.org.uk/.../community.aspx

i have been trying like said in the message above it just seems no one will help

i have been trying it just hard to put myself in a difficult postion like trying to meet other people on the spectrum i just hate my life at the moment and no one will help the doctor who put m on anti depressant seem like their trying but it just feels like they are taking ages and the doctor that diagnosed just kinda told me i had autism told me to go to meeting but at time i could barely leavve the house alone and that there was nothiing he could do for me. i just dont understand why i cant get help even though i feel so messed up. my life feels worthless and im trying but i just cant stand it anymore i hate how i feel trapped. i just dont know what to do.

Dulleyes said:

thank you  what your saying i understand but i just feel like  i need a change but cant change kinda just stuck

That's because you can't do it on your own PGK.

You need support, not only on here, but from support groups in your area. All we can do is make suggestions, but you have to act on them. I know it's not easy to take the first step but if you don't you will just waste valuable time and stay the same.

I'm sorry to seem so insistent, PGK, but the only reason I am is because I never took any steps to get support and as a result endured many years of suffering. As Tom mentioned, autism is more known about nowadays (not nearly enough, but still) and there probably exist more places you can get support than used to be the case and if you don't take advantage of this it is a shame.

thank you  what your saying i understand but i just feel like  i need a change but cant change kinda just stuck

Well, this is a problem expressed by many people on the autistic spectrum, that is, they feel very different from other people, almost like an alien.

But, really, you could look at it from the other way and say it is neural typical people that are 'different' and it is only because they are in the majority that they think they are 'normal.' The thing to remember, PGK, is that you can't help how you are wired and you don't behave in ways that other people find odd on purpose. In fact, you have shown how concerned you are about what other people consider as 'normal' because you were talking about what happens when a family member dies.

So it's not that you are a cold, unfeeling individual, otherwise you wouldn't have any conscience about your behaviour. No, you are very concerned about others, but because of your wiring can't react in exactly the same way as they expect you to react.

This isn't your fault so please don't feel bad about it. The problem is more with other people who either don't understand or don't want to understand you.

I know what your saying and i do think using this site is going to help me quite a bit which is why i have been using it a lot but its just hard to except that im never going to be normal (sorry it is the only word i could think of) I always been different i knew that and and i feel very much alone because there is not many people i can talk to about autism i only have a few friends and they know about the autism but i dont feel like i can talk to them about it because i dont want to scare them away. family i can talk to my mum and dad but i still feel like somethings i cant tell them i just curios if other people felt like they didnt belong even with family that something that really got me down when iwas young even now i dont really know if they care or they just have to because im family. its hard to feel like a human it just feel like i am a monster like when a family member dies i am looking round a room of people crying even like macho type men who dont look like they would ever cry and im there just kinda standing there unflinched it just worries me what other people think of me. i just dont know what to do. i hate this feeling of isolation even though i know there are people that care but just dont understand. sorry for another long depressing message but i seem to not be able to focus on the good at the moment but thanks i do feel better knowing that people on this site understand

PGK, Tom is so right when he says it's important to talk to vent your feelings, whether it's on here or with other people in your life.

There is nothing worse than feeling isolated when you are depressed and hopeless because you don't feel you can share your problems with anyone outside of yourself. I have felt like you at times in the past, although now I think I have a more resilient attitude, which I think comes with age and experience.

Nobody can wave a magic wand to make your problems dissolve, PGK, but the only thing you can do is accept you have these feelings and thoughts and share them with others. I think it's always better to get your thoughts out in the open because this way, they get put into a kind of 'storage box' where you can re-visit and look at them. Over time, you see these stored thoughts change, which serves as a kind of self-monitoring excercise leading, hopefully, to an improvement in your condition. 

This is really similiar to keeping a diary, i.e, getting your thoughts and feelings out 'there', so to speak, and it can allow you to reflect and look back at yourself as if you were a separate observer.

But the worse thing you can do is bottle your feelings up and keep them within yourself because this way, they will just fester and magnify. So it is very important to keep contact with anyone that can be a sounding board because it allows you to share them, which lessens their power over you.

It's going to take time, PGK, but if you try to change your approach a little bit you will eventually see the benefits. 

The old adage 'a problem shared is a problem halved' has a lot of truth to it.