My Teenage Aspie won't leave the house

Hi Caelus! 

Thank you so much for your advice on this matter. I can definitely see that I am pushing her to fit in with others. We expect them to act just like other kids, wanting them to socialise, go to school etc. I will try my best to let go and just let her be. Just like you said, she probably needs time to be by her self, and adjust to the changes that are happening in her body. Thank you again, 

Kindly, Nathalie  

time is all she needs i think, sometimes you just have to give people time to deal with things in their own time, to advance and progress on their own time and their own mind. she maybe behind others but today everyones being forced ahead unnaturally beyond their time anyway without letting them just naturally develope in their own way in their own mind. alot of patience is required, any prodding or forceful getting them to advance beyond their own mind set or timeframe would likely just get them to add more delay in progress due to pushing back against that.

Hi friend!  

I cant thank you enough for your reply. It gives me so much comfort and hope. 

I will take your advice and stop forcing her to act like she used to. She is sleeping ALOT now a days and I belive that has to do with all the stuff thats going on internally.

To hear that your daughter is doing better makes me so happy. Best of luck to you and your daughter. Everything seems to be passing sooner or later. 

Kindly, Nathalie 

Hi Nathalie

yes this reminds me of my situation. You will need patience. Your daughter needs to know you support her.

if you give her time, and put any expectations you have of her to one side, she will begin to feel more comfortable.

it is scary now as you have seen such a change in her. 

please

keep the faith it will improve. She is stating in her room as this is where she feels safe. 

Possibly encourage small steps?

I was once where you were and my situation with my daughter has improved massively.

It will get better with time.

Hi! We live in sweden and I am desperate for help. I just found this page and it describes perfectly my daughter at this moment. She is 10 years old and has autism. Since spring this year she has totally withdrawn from al kind of socialising. She won't go to school, won't go home to her grandmother and doesn't want to do anything that she liked before. I think she might be getting her period soon. Does this behaviour aline with puberty? Im so worried for her and sad that my happy girl doesn't want to do the stuff she loved before. Now she just want to sit in her room looking at YouTube and googeling stuff she's interested in. It brings a lot of comfort to see that we are not alone. Thank you for reading / Nathalie 

Hi, just been doing some research and came across your message. Looking for some help. My daughter is 10 in September, she’s always not really liked school struggled many times over the years to get her there, going through a bit of a tough time. We’re at the very beginning of getting her assessed for autism. She’s refused school for the past 6-8 weeks literally hasn’t been. Things are getting worse though she’s now refusing to leave the house, she’s full of anxiety, hardly eating she’s only thin to start with. Not under weight it’s just her build tall and skinny. She literally doesn’t want to do anything just cried and cried for weeks on end saying ‘when am I going to get better’ ‘I don’t want to be here anymore’ I’m struggling to get her to do any work that I get from the school for her to do while she’s at home. We have our first face to face app with a child psychologist next week, hoping they can do some sort of therapy with her so she can manage with getting out and going to school. I just feel like we’re getting no where fast and it breaks my heart seeing her like this every day. Any advice would be greatly appreciated x 

hello, although i am not the person you are replying to i am 19 and have ASD myself, your daughters experience sounds very similar to mine. i have had a very hard time since i was 11 and wasn't diagnosed ASD until Monday! when i was your daughters age i also started having a lot of anxiety, i wouldn't wash or eat etc, and i had to leave school, my bmi dropped dramatically i was also under CAMHS. i can  say now a lot of things have changed for me. i now eat, i finally wash every day (which my family is very glad about haha) and im not so anxious and paranoid, although i now have been diagnosed with GAD so that's where my anxiety is coming from. In recent months ive realised my anxiety started around 11 when i had started secondary school and puberty all at once - a lot of autistic people really struggle with change which can create a lot of anxiety, your daughter is very unlikely to have PTSD unless she's experienced big trauma, it's much more likely she hasn't got the right coping stratgies for all this change! actually i think there was a program on Channel 4 called 'losing it' and on the first episode there was a young autistic girl who experienced a lot of anxiety and ended up presenting at A&E, it's worth the watch, it helped me. Things will definitely improve for your daughter, i hope it's soon!

Hi Summer.

i know this is a very late reply. I wondered how things were now for your daughter? The reason being is because it sounds almost identical to our situation with our 13 year old.

Our daughter was a fun loving, happy, active child. Then at around 11 years old she changed dramatically as she entered puberty. Diagnosed with ASD last year.  She refuses to wash, go outside, is paranoid about everything. We have taken her out of school and she now refuses to homeschool. She is constantly in a state of anxiety and is not eating. We are convinced she has PTSD. We have CAHMS involved and are hoping for the best.

Given your situation seems the closest to ours, i was wondering (hoping) to see if there had been any improvements with your daughter after she had come out of puberty?

We are doing our best and all we have at the moment is hope. 

best wishes, James and Rachelle 

Hi summer sun I am another aspiegirl but I wasn't diagnosed till I was 21 I suffer from anxiety myself but I rater be out and about than being stuck in. Have you thought about getting a pet a dog preferefably something she could look after herself and take for walks. I have three of my own lucy my dog she a beautiful deaf dalmatian I find taking her out really helps. 

Hi Pixie

thank you for the reply. It gives me hope that she will get through this when i hear from people like yourself. 

It has also given me a few more things to think about and try. 

I have tried different products but will try placing them in different places...this might help. 

She doesnt seems to have an issue getting in the shower once i can convince her to wash, but the overal temperature is one I  have not considered so will try to talk to her about this. 

cheers 

SummerSun. 

Hi Summer Sun

That sounds like a really difficult situation. I'm an adult female Aspie, but luckily I didn't have a lot of problems with puberty.

What was her knowledge about periods before hers started? Maybe you talked to her about it, but for some reason she still didn't feel prepared for it, or she doesn't want to accept something she has no control over. 

It sounds like the events at school may have initiated ptsd, or at least an anxiety/panic disorder, although I'm not a healthcare professional so I couldn't say this for definite. What I can tell you is what works for me, so you at least have something to try.

When I'm feeling highly anxious, feeling pressured makes me feel worse. I need a quiet space and time to recover, so I think you've done the right thing taking her out of school. I understand your concern about her not wanting to leave the house, but it may be that she needs time alone for a while to heal. I assume she is 12 years old if she started secondary school last September, which I believe is legally an age at which she can be left at home if you need to go out, but only you as her parent can make the judgement about whether she will be safe if you do this. If you don't think so, can a relative or family friend stay in the house while you are out? 

I remember not wanting people to know when I started my periods, particularly male members of the family. I only felt OK talking to my mother about it for some time, and felt embarrassed if I had to buy sanitary products (usually mum bought them). I would suggest a female member of the family / female friend of the family whom she usually responds favourably to discusses the issues around periods with her in a private, safe environment. If it was me talking to her I would tell her about how I felt when it happened to me and see if this initiated a response from her - if not I would gently ask if that was how she feels about it. Try putting sanitary pads in her room / the bathroom, in a place of her choice (this might provide her with a feeling of at least partial control over the situation) and ask for her feedback on which type she wants to use / try, in case she has sensitive skin and some types cause irritation or discomfort. I would just give her this information and let her know she can ask anything about it whenever she wants, then leave it to her. 

With regard to washing, I find even now that my sensitivity to temperature means that showering is something I only like to do when it is really hot, because getting wet can make me feel uncomfortably cold unless it's a very hot day. I don't mind a warm bath in a warm bathroom though, if I can dry off with a warm towel that's been over a radiator / heated towel rail. You could try introducing the concept of a warm bath being relaxing, making the bathroom warm and inviting, or if it's a hot day explaining how refreshed a bath or shower makes a person feel. Ask her if she wants to choose bath products of her own with fragrances she likes, to encourage her.

If nothing helps, I think it would be best to consult your GP for advice, as she may need treatment if the anxiety doesn't start to abate after a while. 

Good luck 

Pixie