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My Teenage Aspie won't leave the house

summerSun

My daughter has recently been diagnosed as high functioning autistic. Something we always knew despite being told otherwise.

She he started secondary school this year and everything has gotten much worse. Her anxiety has gone into overdrive. The school are useless and after many battles with the school we have had to withdrawn her completely.  They won't give her quite time, shout at her for little eye contact. It is all too much for her. We will be home schooling her from September. The biggest issue is getting her up and out the house. she doesn't want to wash(which I understand) but this is worse as a young female she has started her period and she won't use any sanitary products even though we have shown her, we have soiled knickers, bedding etc... she just doesn't care.

she used to like swimming, doing photography, reading but since secondary school she has completely withdrawn.... Doesn't want to do anything,just sleep. She won't go out and if we do Get her out she is so stressed just cries . I've tried explains were we are going but nothing helps.... Like her, now feel trapped in the house.

she won't join a club of any type. 

Has no interest in anything

i am hoping her stress will go away now she knows she doesn't have to go back to school 

Has any one got any ideas? 

Parents

  • Hi Summer Sun

    That sounds like a really difficult situation. I'm an adult female Aspie, but luckily I didn't have a lot of problems with puberty.

    What was her knowledge about periods before hers started? Maybe you talked to her about it, but for some reason she still didn't feel prepared for it, or she doesn't want to accept something she has no control over. 

    It sounds like the events at school may have initiated ptsd, or at least an anxiety/panic disorder, although I'm not a healthcare professional so I couldn't say this for definite. What I can tell you is what works for me, so you at least have something to try.

    When I'm feeling highly anxious, feeling pressured makes me feel worse. I need a quiet space and time to recover, so I think you've done the right thing taking her out of school. I understand your concern about her not wanting to leave the house, but it may be that she needs time alone for a while to heal. I assume she is 12 years old if she started secondary school last September, which I believe is legally an age at which she can be left at home if you need to go out, but only you as her parent can make the judgement about whether she will be safe if you do this. If you don't think so, can a relative or family friend stay in the house while you are out? 

    I remember not wanting people to know when I started my periods, particularly male members of the family. I only felt OK talking to my mother about it for some time, and felt embarrassed if I had to buy sanitary products (usually mum bought them). I would suggest a female member of the family / female friend of the family whom she usually responds favourably to discusses the issues around periods with her in a private, safe environment. If it was me talking to her I would tell her about how I felt when it happened to me and see if this initiated a response from her - if not I would gently ask if that was how she feels about it. Try putting sanitary pads in her room / the bathroom, in a place of her choice (this might provide her with a feeling of at least partial control over the situation) and ask for her feedback on which type she wants to use / try, in case she has sensitive skin and some types cause irritation or discomfort. I would just give her this information and let her know she can ask anything about it whenever she wants, then leave it to her. 

    With regard to washing, I find even now that my sensitivity to temperature means that showering is something I only like to do when it is really hot, because getting wet can make me feel uncomfortably cold unless it's a very hot day. I don't mind a warm bath in a warm bathroom though, if I can dry off with a warm towel that's been over a radiator / heated towel rail. You could try introducing the concept of a warm bath being relaxing, making the bathroom warm and inviting, or if it's a hot day explaining how refreshed a bath or shower makes a person feel. Ask her if she wants to choose bath products of her own with fragrances she likes, to encourage her.

    If nothing helps, I think it would be best to consult your GP for advice, as she may need treatment if the anxiety doesn't start to abate after a while. 

    Good luck 

    Pixie 

Reply

  • Hi Summer Sun

    That sounds like a really difficult situation. I'm an adult female Aspie, but luckily I didn't have a lot of problems with puberty.

    What was her knowledge about periods before hers started? Maybe you talked to her about it, but for some reason she still didn't feel prepared for it, or she doesn't want to accept something she has no control over. 

    It sounds like the events at school may have initiated ptsd, or at least an anxiety/panic disorder, although I'm not a healthcare professional so I couldn't say this for definite. What I can tell you is what works for me, so you at least have something to try.

    When I'm feeling highly anxious, feeling pressured makes me feel worse. I need a quiet space and time to recover, so I think you've done the right thing taking her out of school. I understand your concern about her not wanting to leave the house, but it may be that she needs time alone for a while to heal. I assume she is 12 years old if she started secondary school last September, which I believe is legally an age at which she can be left at home if you need to go out, but only you as her parent can make the judgement about whether she will be safe if you do this. If you don't think so, can a relative or family friend stay in the house while you are out? 

    I remember not wanting people to know when I started my periods, particularly male members of the family. I only felt OK talking to my mother about it for some time, and felt embarrassed if I had to buy sanitary products (usually mum bought them). I would suggest a female member of the family / female friend of the family whom she usually responds favourably to discusses the issues around periods with her in a private, safe environment. If it was me talking to her I would tell her about how I felt when it happened to me and see if this initiated a response from her - if not I would gently ask if that was how she feels about it. Try putting sanitary pads in her room / the bathroom, in a place of her choice (this might provide her with a feeling of at least partial control over the situation) and ask for her feedback on which type she wants to use / try, in case she has sensitive skin and some types cause irritation or discomfort. I would just give her this information and let her know she can ask anything about it whenever she wants, then leave it to her. 

    With regard to washing, I find even now that my sensitivity to temperature means that showering is something I only like to do when it is really hot, because getting wet can make me feel uncomfortably cold unless it's a very hot day. I don't mind a warm bath in a warm bathroom though, if I can dry off with a warm towel that's been over a radiator / heated towel rail. You could try introducing the concept of a warm bath being relaxing, making the bathroom warm and inviting, or if it's a hot day explaining how refreshed a bath or shower makes a person feel. Ask her if she wants to choose bath products of her own with fragrances she likes, to encourage her.

    If nothing helps, I think it would be best to consult your GP for advice, as she may need treatment if the anxiety doesn't start to abate after a while. 

    Good luck 

    Pixie 

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