• Replies 4 replies
  • Subscribers 28 subscribers
  • Views 711 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

struggling to understand and react to sons outbursts

yakdad

Hi all we are currently pealing the onion to get to the route of my sons behaviours, its been noted he is showing alot of autistic trates and coupled with his hearing issues porr little mite has not had a good start in life, he is now 7 and in main stream school but since the age of three been having outbursts of sheer anger and frustration and no matter whatmyself or wife tried to do it got worse, its been tough and even harder now hes at school we get all the pent up anger and frustration when hes home, he hates a change of routine and refuses point blank to go out at weekends unless he has been told well in advance all we get is major melt downs, just recently he has has started to throw a hissy fit and refuse to allow me to help him and shouts to not look at him whch is driving me to despair . has anyone else encountered this ? we have only now started down the road of gettinga  full diagnosis but feel helpless on what or how to react to help him, thankyou in advance for any help or advice 

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Perhaps, from his point of view, he goes to school where dinner is served reliably at a particular time and all of the lessons run to the bell and then he comes home and can't work out when tea is going to be or even whether his father will be there. If his life is all about change then he may not cope very well.

    Does school say that he is well behaved or is he struggling there too?

  • Hi thankyou for your replies and a few things do make sense, regards his anger and frustration he is not violent but pent up anger if tha makes sense , lewis will just stomp his feet shouting and hitting his own legs in a tantrum, 

    unfortunatly i work shifts which are not a good pattern over a 8 week period so i wondered if this may be part of his issues towards me as he may see me for a hour or two one day to the next or be home at end of school or not depend what week im on, a couple of work mates children have the same reactions aswell funny enough after chatting to them about it . with this in mind it is sooo hard to keep a routine, we understand the boundry of autism and change but life is all about change and we cannot control life, lewis does not grasp the concept for example when its t time that something may take time to cook but he will get very anxious with constant "when is it ready " , we also have another son of 10 who is going through his sats now and are worried we are not giving him enough one to one also with lewis comanding all the attention. At school he is focused to a degree but will easily loose it and needs constant prompting,only other time he is focused is when he is playing musical items especially the drums he will then happily stick to what hes doing a little longer. 

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    There are courses for parents to help them understand and deal with autistic children www.autism.org.uk/earlybird In your case the Earlybird Plus applies to your son's age.

    Autistic people can really struggle with being looked at - he may just find it baffling and confusing. We often avoid eye contact altogether.

    A punchbag may be good but his behaviour really shows that something is winding him up. It is important with autistic children to be absolutely calm, fair and consistent. He might find it intolerable if you say one thing and then change your mind. If you say no then make sure you can go through with it and don't say yes to something one day and then change your mind the next day. Try and agree with him what rules you should have in the house and be very quiet and calm about sticking to them.

  • Hi

    As an adult "Aspie" and former Special Needs Teaching Assistant, I have a few ideas:

    1. Dealing with the pent up anger & frustration: Something that was suggested for a child I once worked with was that the parents bought a punch bag / punch ball and installed it in his bedroom to take things out on when he got home from school, which they reported did help him so could be worth a try.

    2. Change of routine: Imagine it's your day off and you've just started to do something you really like, when someone says "Pack that away now, we're going out". Would you feel like throwing a fit? I don't know whether your son yet has any awareness of time passing - most children develop this at around age 7, but I would suggest getting a nice calendar with a big square for each day, and get him to help you mark on it what he's going to do each day. It might work better if you sometimes let him choose what he's going to do and put it on the calendar. If he's not good at reading and writing yet, use pictures.

    3. Not wanting to be looked at: this probably stems from his anxiety at wanting to get things right and feeling self-conscious. You don't say what it is he refuses to let you help him with, but if it's something that takes him longer to do without help, perhaps you could try making more time for him to do that task and leaving him to get on with it.

    Good luck