relationship with a guy with autism

I understand your concerns, it "may" happen, but no one knows what will happen, and in the grand scheme what is the probability that will happen.

I can relate to the boys situation, I too was painfully shy at that age. When I was just turning in to adulthood, I became infatuated and obsessed with a girl I fell in love with. While it lead to a few uneasy conversations as we both worked at the same company, that was it as far as she was concerned. It had a much deeper effect on me though.

I would try and get to know his parents, and in his own time, the boyfriend as well. Recognise too, that there are also positive aspects to autism, everyone is different.

Even taking autism out of the picture, I am sure all parents have concerns about their childs first relationship at this age.

I would say whilst be aware of the future, stop worrying about the future. The relationship may grow into a happy one just like other relationships or may deteriorate just like other ones. So called normal healthy people can become just as obsessive and stalk as of any one of any condition. All perhaps you need to be concerned about is, if the relationship does break up and if these things appear to be happening then nip it in the bud early if possible.

Just allow them their freedom for now and try not to worry ahead. I thought it was meant to be us what overthink not normal people as such.  Ha ha. Meant to be funny hope you don't take that the wrong way.  You can't totally plan for potential problems as they problem wont happen in a format you expecting and not see it until too late.

Thanks for your replies, they are really helpful.

I did forget to mention, the boy was in main stream education but his parents removed him due to the school not being very supportive, however after they are now looking at returning him in to mainstream education.

We have met the boyfriend and took them both to Blackpool for the day and whilst he is painfully shy he did speak to us... when we observed (from a distance) how my daughter and the boyfriend interact, they laughed and chatted as any teenagers do.

There is evidence that some people on the autistic spectrum can become obsessive about someone else, and pester or stalk them. Trouble is it is one manifestation of autism, and not a general rule. The media portrayal of autism often highlights this.

In a wider context I've so often met people who perceive that mental illness means someone will attack people - most mental illness is something a lot less hazardous to others - eating disorders, anxiety, phobias.

It is important to consider that autism encompasses a wide range of symptoms, balanced by personality and endurance. This boyfriend may well be benefitting from the relationship. That might inform you that the nature of the autism isn't such as would lead to irrational infatuation.

Usually someone who misunderstands relationships will have real demonstrable problems that reflect that risk - not being able to gain any understanding from most social contact, and therefore likely to have fundamental problems with seeing whether affection is reciprocated or a person is annoyed.

Possibly the boy in this case is at the same school, a mainstream school? He might be quite able and quite independent. If he is responding to a relationship that suggests an abler individual.

A person at the abler end of the spectrum might find social interaction difficult, might be a bit over-focussed about certain hobbies to the point of boring some people, might not be as well organised, or lack coordination, and might have trouble in noisy environments.

I think you'd know if your daughter had taken on someone with marked autism - she would be having quite a struggle to interact.

And strangely enough lots of people with autism do manage to marry or sustain a relationship.

Consider him for who he is. The autism might make his life a bit harder. Try to avoid being inflenced by stereotypes.

None of us can predict the future. The relationship may or may not last. If your daughter decides to end the relationship she should at least do so in a clear manner which does not leave any hope that it might resume. Vague, open ended wording or implied meaning (such as saying "maybe" if she means "no") will be confusing and could give false hope. But this doesn't just apply to ending a relationship.