Having Aspergers and Tourettes is a lonely life

djteknovibe said:

Actually I think me making fake profiles using good looking guys photos like I mentioned above proves girls would rather have a gorgeous guy who treats them average than an average looking guy who could treat them amazing. Girls in the 1980's wanted someone nice but nowadays all most girls want is someone gorgeous, I think my test with the fake profiles proved that, it proved how shallow most women are these days.

Actually, it doesn't prove that. It is bad science. You have gone out to find evidence that supports your hypothesis. This is the same as a detective who thinks he knows who did it and just goes out to find evidence that supports his/her theory.

If you look at the general population then it is trivially easy to find people who are not gorgeous but who are, nevertheless, in stable relationships.

electra said:

For what its worth it doesn't sound to me like you need any sort of help from mental health teams or to learn social skills. Meeting partners when older is hard for NTs too. I don't have any magic answers. I'm single too and if I had the answer and knew the secret to finding a partner I'd share it.

I think the OP wants help and is probably open to learning new skills. Autism support groups (NHS or NAS organised) may be able to provide some help. It is unhealthy, in my opinion, to give up and resign yourself to a solitary existence if you don't want that. The NHS assistance comes under the mental health umbrella because social isolation causes mental health issues and there are ways to help.

I have been single for years and can understand how sometimes it feels like everyone else is having a fabulous time of it socially. But having been on dating sites and seen how shallow a lot of people (both male and female) are, I have given up with them. Lots of the men seemed to only want women younger than them, and were ticking ridiculous criteria like weight, job, or hair colour. Women seemed obsessed with height and salary.

I wonder if some of the replies you had to the fake photo were actually fakes themself? I wonder if there was something else about your fake photo that attracted them, perhaps it looked like someone rich and successful that they could rip off?  There are often stories in the papers about rich but gullible people having their life savings taken by scammers who they have met online, so you may have had a lucky escape.

If you are anything like me, you would probably do better meeting someone on neutral territory, via shared interests, rather than a dating situation. I hate being put on the spot, having to make a decision about whether I like someone when I don't actually know them yet. RS is right - intelligence, honesty, kindness etc are way more important than looks, but it is very hard to convey those traits online. And there are few things more offputting than feeling like the other person is just desperate for a partner - any partner!

Btw I am also a retired raver!  Funnily enough one of the things I liked the most about the scene was that I very rarely got chatted up, most people were there to dance rather than pull, unlike "normal" alcohol-orientated clubs!

An autistic female perspective - I think men on dating sites are just as shallow, its a consequence of our increasingly image-conscious world and also a product of online dating itself which commodifies people.

For what its worth it doesn't sound to me like you need any sort of help from mental health teams or to learn social skills. Meeting partners when older is hard for NTs too. I don't have any magic answers. I'm single too and if I had the answer and knew the secret to finding a partner I'd share it.

I do go to social events organised by a local support group and have met a few autistic people who I can count as friends. There are also dating sites for autistic people. I haven't tried those and don't know how good they are.

Actually I think me making fake profiles using good looking guys photos like I mentioned above proves girls would rather have a gorgeous guy who treats them average than an average looking guy who could treat them amazing. Girls in the 1980's wanted someone nice but nowadays all most girls want is someone gorgeous, I think my test with the fake profiles proved that, it proved how shallow most women are these days.

Girls want all sorts of things, looks are one thing but intelligence, being genuine, honesty and integrity are actually more important long term.

My friends who I had years ago were a lot more confident than me when not taking drugs, they all were able to get girlfriends and socialise MUCH easier. Plus, for getting a girlfriend the only thing girls want is a guy who's gorgeous and confident so even if I had the confidence I still don't have the looks. I made a fake profile on a few social networking sites last year using a good looking guys photos and sent hundreds of girls messages and I received a staggering amount of replies from girls, many telling me I was gorgeous or fit or hot and that they wanted to meet me and some wanted to be my girlfriend. I deleted the profiles after a month, they were just for me to see if it was my looks which made girls ignore me. On my real profile I virtually never get any replies so this proves that relationship wise I have no chance because of my looks.

Hi and welcome.

Have you tried getting help from your local mental health team? Some areas have specialist Autism support teams that provide help with social skills etc and can help you get back into a better way of life.

NAS also have local groups and some of these have meetings and social events for adults on the spectrum.

I wouldn't be surprsed if some of your drug friends were also socially unskilled and only able to function when under the influence.